Lindsay Lohan sex tape to be released, grimly inevitable

Lindsay Lohan is dreading the release of her sex tape

How low-han can you fall?

Thu, 14/01/2010 - 12:04 by Mr. HM

Lindsay Lohan recently made a serious documentary about child trafficking in India. Not many people will watch it. However, a "seedy" 47 second video clip of Lindsay Lohan performing a "sex act" on a waiter is set to be seen by everyone...

The clip has already been rejected by Hustler for copyright reasons, but is likely to appear on an off-shore porn site - meaning there will be nothing she or her lawyers can do about it.

The Mirror's source said:

"This video file is dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors."

"Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing and this is the very last thing she needs. If and when it is released on the internet, via a spurious, unofficial website, there is absolutely nothing she or her lawyers can do about it."

This was about as inevitable as it getting dark at night and milk being white. I fucking love stuff like this - it blows a big buckshot hole through the veneer of bullshit she uses to cover up the fact that she's a bit of a skank.

Amazing. We salute you Lindsay Lohan!

(nb. There's some conjecture in HM HQ as to what 'particular sex act' the paper refers to. We're pretty sure 'unnatural sex act' is up the bum, but they usually refer to blow jobs as 'performed a sex act'. Any guesses? My money is on a tromboning.)

More Lindsay Lohan sex tape stories here.

No pictures of the tape have surfaced yet, so you'll have to make do with 20 pictures of sideboob, anorexic style stomachs and hungover cows instead.

Celebrity Sex Tapes, Lindsay Lohan pictures, Lindsay Lohan sex tape, Lindsay Lohan

Comments

i am not surprised. she couldn't remember after drinking alcohol and using drugs. she has all: drugs, sex and alcohol. my advice is simple, find a drug rehab treatment centers and go treat there. don't make any stupidities.
yasmine Wed, 19/01/2011 - 00:30
Finally found the Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape...

that would actually run..

Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape - http://imagefling.com/dluploads/Lindsay_Lohan_Sex_Tape_36MB.hta
oprah1 Mon, 15/03/2010 - 07:35
Finally found the Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape...

that would actually run..

Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape - http://imagefling.com/dluploads/Lindsay_Lohan_Sex_Tape_36MB.hta
oprah1 Mon, 15/03/2010 - 07:35
Finally found the Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape...

that would actually run..

Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape - http://imagefling.com/dluploads/Lindsay_Lohan_Sex_Tape_36MB.hta
oprah1 Mon, 15/03/2010 - 07:35
Just saw her lips in pic 7 and this image popped into my head. But I am sorry. Inducing vomiting night terrors was never my intention.
stella ah trois Sun, 17/01/2010 - 10:19
So where were we? Oh yeah Lindsay's got a sex tape. I think I can spot a trend here:

- sex tape
- reality show
- chat show
- endorsement (Tenna Lady perhaps?)
- marriage
- divorce
- column in OK!

I hope her dad doesn't watch it but I've got a feeling he will.
PuddyTwat Fri, 15/01/2010 - 19:35
God in heaven and all the angels what the fuck is THAT?!!
I've completely forgotten what the story was now. I'm gonna have to go back and see what I'm commenting on. I'm gonna have nightmares now. s'all your fault.
PuddyTwat Fri, 15/01/2010 - 19:26
Showing pictures as unnatural as a stoma and Miss Lohans corrugated clam come under the Obscene Publications Act of 1948 where a fine of £75 and six months in jail is the prize for exposing ones gunge
officerdibble Thu, 14/01/2010 - 23:05
Yay! I've been waiting for a new Lindsay Lohan movie for ages. I hope this new one is as good as Labor Pains. It'll be just like a rom com just without the, um, build-up: http://bit.ly/5IQA6E
conniesparty Thu, 14/01/2010 - 22:56
It's a stoma. Not mine. Further enlightenment: you have the end of your bowel poked through a hole in your tummy. Ordinarily it would be covered by a poo bag thing but in this case, not. As you can see. Glad you like it.
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 16:16
"My name is MJ......and I am a porn-oholic"
MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 14/01/2010 - 16:07
Ok now I've finished throwing up my lunch (hello again McDonalds) can you pelase explain to me what the fuck this abomination is ?
MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 14/01/2010 - 16:03
Pic 7:
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 15:53
Compulsory then.
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 15:45
I know I don't have to watch it Stella dear but if one of my mates says "here do you wanna watch this porno clip" then chances are I'm going to say yes......I can't spend the rest of my life denying myself the pleasures of pornography on the off chance that I might unwittingly end up seeing Lohans bony arse getting reamed.
MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 14/01/2010 - 15:39
MJ - I don't want to point out the obvious but you don't have to watch it. Or do you? Is it compulsory? Oh god.
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 15:10
47 seconds hey? God she must be good, unless the waiter had just got out of jail.
degzy Thu, 14/01/2010 - 14:34
Performed on a waiter? Class, pure class. There's a joke in there somewhere about leaving a tip but I'm too bored to try and make it
slug Thu, 14/01/2010 - 14:01
How much do you think would be required to ensure that this clip never sees the light of day ? I'm not sure I can cope with seeing whatever it is....unless it's her getting a hot karl, I think I could manage that.
MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 14/01/2010 - 13:27
Wonder if her leggings range will include a crotchless pair soon. Convenient and solves that annoying camel toe issue to boot.
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 13:07
odds on she's got a balloon knot.
unseemlydogposture Thu, 14/01/2010 - 12:47

odds on she's got a balloon knot.
unseemlydogposture Thu, 14/01/2010 - 12:47
Wonder if her leggings range will include a crotchless pair soon. Convenient and solves that annoying camel toe issue to boot.
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 13:07
How much do you think would be required to ensure that this clip never sees the light of day ? I'm not sure I can cope with seeing whatever it is....unless it's her getting a hot karl, I think I could manage that.
MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 14/01/2010 - 13:27
Performed on a waiter? Class, pure class. There's a joke in there somewhere about leaving a tip but I'm too bored to try and make it
slug Thu, 14/01/2010 - 14:01
47 seconds hey? God she must be good, unless the waiter had just got out of jail.
degzy Thu, 14/01/2010 - 14:34
MJ - I don't want to point out the obvious but you don't have to watch it. Or do you? Is it compulsory? Oh god.
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 15:10
I know I don't have to watch it Stella dear but if one of my mates says "here do you wanna watch this porno clip" then chances are I'm going to say yes......I can't spend the rest of my life denying myself the pleasures of pornography on the off chance that I might unwittingly end up seeing Lohans bony arse getting reamed.
MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 14/01/2010 - 15:39
Compulsory then.
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 15:45
Pic 7:
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 15:53
Ok now I've finished throwing up my lunch (hello again McDonalds) can you pelase explain to me what the fuck this abomination is ?
MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 14/01/2010 - 16:03
"My name is MJ......and I am a porn-oholic"
MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 14/01/2010 - 16:07
It's a stoma. Not mine. Further enlightenment: you have the end of your bowel poked through a hole in your tummy. Ordinarily it would be covered by a poo bag thing but in this case, not. As you can see. Glad you like it.
stella ah trois Thu, 14/01/2010 - 16:16
Yay! I've been waiting for a new Lindsay Lohan movie for ages. I hope this new one is as good as Labor Pains. It'll be just like a rom com just without the, um, build-up: http://bit.ly/5IQA6E
conniesparty Thu, 14/01/2010 - 22:56
Showing pictures as unnatural as a stoma and Miss Lohans corrugated clam come under the Obscene Publications Act of 1948 where a fine of £75 and six months in jail is the prize for exposing ones gunge
officerdibble Thu, 14/01/2010 - 23:05
God in heaven and all the angels what the fuck is THAT?!!
I've completely forgotten what the story was now. I'm gonna have to go back and see what I'm commenting on. I'm gonna have nightmares now. s'all your fault.
PuddyTwat Fri, 15/01/2010 - 19:26
So where were we? Oh yeah Lindsay's got a sex tape. I think I can spot a trend here:

- sex tape
- reality show
- chat show
- endorsement (Tenna Lady perhaps?)
- marriage
- divorce
- column in OK!

I hope her dad doesn't watch it but I've got a feeling he will.
PuddyTwat Fri, 15/01/2010 - 19:35
Just saw her lips in pic 7 and this image popped into my head. But I am sorry. Inducing vomiting night terrors was never my intention.
stella ah trois Sun, 17/01/2010 - 10:19
Finally found the Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape...

that would actually run..

Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape - http://imagefling.com/dluploads/Lindsay_Lohan_Sex_Tape_36MB.hta
oprah1 Mon, 15/03/2010 - 07:35
Finally found the Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape...

that would actually run..

Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape - http://imagefling.com/dluploads/Lindsay_Lohan_Sex_Tape_36MB.hta
oprah1 Mon, 15/03/2010 - 07:35
Finally found the Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape...

that would actually run..

Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape - http://imagefling.com/dluploads/Lindsay_Lohan_Sex_Tape_36MB.hta
oprah1 Mon, 15/03/2010 - 07:35
i am not surprised. she couldn't remember after drinking alcohol and using drugs. she has all: drugs, sex and alcohol. my advice is simple, find a drug rehab treatment centers and go treat there. don't make any stupidities.
yasmine Wed, 19/01/2011 - 00:30