Lindsay Lohan might have recently described her father as insane in the brain, but his eyesight is clearly still intact...

So, according to the man who recently described his daughter as being on "death's doorstep" before threatening to kidnap her, Lindsay Lohan's real age might be better calculated using the dog year formula (in her instance; original age x 4 + 8).

Having clearly noticed that his daughter looks more like Donatello Versace-meets-the crazy gypsy lady from Drag Me To Hell than the average 23-year-old, Michael did what every concerned dad might do and called up the New York Post to raise awareness for the premature aging disease:

"I am going to go to court to get a legal conservatorship to get Lindsay into rehab and finally get her off all the prescription meds. [Wife] Dina is going to sit down with me and the lawyers and make things right for Lindsay. She is taking Adderol, Xanax, Paxil. She's a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old." 

Fair dos - and at least this might increase Lindsay's script options, what with there being less competition in 85-100 age bracket.