We don't know how this started, we're just very glad it did. Lord/Sir/Archduke/King Alan Sugar and Kirstie Allsopp were at war on Twitter last night, flying feeble and futile insults back and forth at each other. When we say 'back and forth', what we really mean is that Allsopp said said something mean about Sugar, who shot into an entertaining tirade against her, climaxing with the killer blow, "what a lying cow"...

It all began with this out-of-the-blue remark from property person (or whatever the fuck she is), Allsopp, who cried pathetically:

"There r words I don't use, but when it comes to Sugar & his treatment of the staff & crew involved..in any other work place he'd be Fired!!

Being asked whether i follow Alan Sugar. I worked with him on Sport Relief does The Apprentice. His behaviour was shockingly uncharitable."

 

To which the Sugar replied, incoherently, without a single full stop...

"@KirstieMAllsopp you are a liar dont tweet lies about me by the way you were the worst celeb ever in celeb apprentice

more lies from @KirstieMAllsopp said I was hard on and rude to production people in celeb apprentice , she is too far up Emma Freud ar.."

Arm? Artery? Arse?

"bloody cheek @KirstieMAllsopp was in celeb apprentice claims i was uncharitable lying cow, she was useless

what a Lying cow @KirstieMAllsopp was worst contestant in celeb apprentice ever having hissy fit all time very rude to Jacki Gold"

Considering we've just come across a quote from Siralan in The Metro, announcing "I was reluctant to join Twitter in case I made a mug of myself",  it makes their dispute all the more amusing. Where's Nick Hewer when you need him? He wouldn't stand for this shit.