As Michael Jackson looks down from his seat in non-denominational heaven, there must be a grin plastered all over that heavily doctored face, for his very favourite child (star) Macauley Culkin has apparently taken up with a new woman after his recent devastating split with Ukrainian voice artist MIla Kunis.

What does this new woman do? Well, she's an althlete of sorts. A firm fan of camera sports. A creative force in the nude film industry. A porn star. A sex worker. A jizzbucket.

Only joking. We love porn here at HM. Only the non-misogynistic stuff though, like when everyone dresses up like clowns and throws milk at buckets of fish.

Now, as you know Macaulay is a man who likes to keep to himself. When he's not starring in Aviva adverts he allegedly travels from town to town, buying up any copies of his films he can find in the hope he'll eventually wipe all memory of himself from the public psyche. Possibly.

Which is why it's so surprising that he has been seen out and about in downtown Barcelona, at a live sex club called Baghdad, with a woman, codename Irene Lopez. Irene apparently enjoys nothing more than relaxing with a big old mug of cocoa, a book of Corsican poetry and a penis the size of a small child's arm.

Speaking of their intense relationship, Irene had this to say to E!:

"The last time I was with him, no one found out about it,"

 

"I don't know what happened this time that the newspaper heard about it."

"If there is a possibility that he goes back with Mila, I don't want to be an obstacle. The breakup is really fresh."

 

"I don't want to cause him any harm. He's a good person."

She seems nice, doesn't she? Still, it's always the porn stars that'll break your heart in the end. Of course, what we all want to know was, did Macaulay get involved in any of the 'shows' while he was there? A question to which she gave possibly one of the best replies ever:

"What happens in Bagdad, stays in Bagdad."

We couldn't agree more, although we'd initially hoped Baghdad was a fellow porn star, but you can't have it all.