Morrissey, being the chirpy little candy-striper he is, has launched a vicious attack on The Queen for being a dictator, a fascist and an accessory to murder. Apparently her recent visit to Ireland, where she's attempting to patch up a little misunderstanding that happened way back in '72, has made him so furious he's written an article about how corrupt everything is, even corruption itself. Incidentally, for a man who's going to be recieving his free bus pass in a few years, he still seems to be remarkably sensitive to pretty much everything from the price of bread to the plight of Chilean goat herders. Smiths fans eh? What can you do with them.

The article in question appeared in charming Irish publication Hot Press, and has spread like wildfire over the internet after users were shocked by his provocative use of inverted commas around the word 'rules' when speaking about the Queen of our hearts (by deed) and owner of our houses.

Theoretically we probably should have made some attempt to pare it down a little, but there were so many insightful bits that really, like, challenged the way we thought about the whole Monarchy thing, man, we decided to leave it all in:

The Queen's visit to Ireland is part of a new Palace PR campaign to re-invent the Windsors. The message from the Queen will be the same as ever: who we are born to is more important than what we achieve in life. 

 

It should be remembered by the Irish people that as recently as the turn of the 1980s the Queen supported Margaret Thatcher by not dismissing Thatcher as she allowed hunger strikers to die at the Maze Prison, most famously Bobby Sands, who was 27 years old. As Sands starved to death in protest at being tagged a 'criminal' and not a 'political prisoner' by the Thatcher government, the Queen sat in her Palace and said nothing. If the Queen had any human feelings for the Sands family or other hunger strikers then she did not express them. 

 

The full meaning of the Monarchy is, like the Queen herself, a complete mystery to most people. It is protected from any investigations by ridiculous stories of trivia and wedding dresses and on-again-off-again soap-drama romances. The most revealing statement came from Commander Christine Jones of the Metropolitan Police last month, when she warned that any British people carrying anti-royal placards who are "seen in the vicinity of the royal wedding would be removed under the Public Order Act." This means that any political dissent in England is silenced in order to protect the royals, which in itself goes against every principle of democracy. 

 

The very existence of the Queen and her now enormous family – all supported by the British taxpayer whether the British taxpayer likes it or not – is entirely against any notion of democracy, and is against freedom of speech. For a broad historical view of what the Queen is and how she "rules", examine Gaddafi or Mubarak, and see if you can spot any difference.

 

You won't be able to.

 

The Queen also has the power to give back the six counties to the Irish people, allowing Ireland to be a nation once again. The fact that she has not done so is Fascism in full flow. What else could it be? Name one other European country that is controlled by its neighbour? 

Blah blah, starvation, blah blah, Belgrano, blah blah, placards. Fascinating stuff. Not quite sure whether the Queen actually does much ruling anymore, except maybe to tell Philip to stop trying to touch up the kitchen staff, but if she did we'd probably be furious too. 

The Gaddafi reference is nice though. Really helps to take the piece from the past (Margaret Thatcher, BOO!) to current political events (Gaddafi, genocide, Mubarak, BOO!), which draws the reader in, hopefully persuading them to buy a copy of one of his many, many maudlin albums.

Incidentally, if any Smiths fans want to weigh in here, please keep the unnecessarily convoluted complaints about the state of the nation as short as possible, instead simply voting yes or no on whether Morrissey is actually one of the biggest cunts ever to grace our green and pleasant shores.