Congratulations to Natalie Portman and that dancer dude from Black Swan - the pair have just had a child together after meeting on the set of the Oscar winning film last year. A boy, to be precise.

What with not knowing Natalie Portman personally or, in fact, having any details about the said child, there's not really anything else to add other than a list of terrible puns, so here we go...

• No Umbilical Cord Attached
• The Garden's a State (as in the lady garden, obv)
• Sore (y'know, rhymes with Thor)
• V for Vagina
• Slack Spawn
• Your Pry-ness
• Attack of the Clones?
• Brothers?

Oh fucking hell.