NME Awards 2010: Aftershow soup ahoy, as dangerous as feathers

Noel Fielding at the NME awards Aftershow

Who are the NME now?

Thu, 25/02/2010 - 10:01 by Mr. HM

Last night was the night that the NME awards finally morphed into a v.poor Smash Hits Poll Winners Party. Bad/lazy categories, promised high jinx turning into the square root of my arse.

If it wasn't for Courtney Love there would literally be nothing positive to write about (and even now all we have to go on are amazing shoes mixed with odd make up).

First - we've already got Daisy Lowe and Coco Sumner - we don't need another famous offspring thanks very much Lola Lennox with your no fucking shoes on in the street - hot damn you're so kooky you make passers by in the street cry in confusion and horror at your massively unconventional and individual styling. Such is the extent of your madcap approach to life, us mere members of the public act as if it's an alien invasion. My mind is just in turmoil, I'm going to go home and burn all my clothes and piss on my bed.

Another one who can go screw themselves is Noel Fielding. In 20 years time, all the dopey tiara wearing ninnies that fuck him and follow him and his surreal aura around the country are going to need regressive therapy to erase the shame from their brains.

That Grimmers - whacky dude eh!

Finally, FINALLY - we have K$sha. A woman with such a transparently PR'd career, you already know the whole "show your baggy arse cheeks getting into the cab" was planned with meticulous detail - people with ponytails and netbooks mapping out the whole sorry affair in storyboard format. It almost works too, had she not revealed such a strange, strange bottom.

Thank God for Jarvis. Thank GOD for Jarvis.

NME Awards, Noel Fielding pictures, Aftershow parties, Fearne Cotton, Agyness Deyn, Courtney Love, Jarvis Cocker, Ke$ha, Noel Fielding, Pixie Geldof

Comments

Jarvis - the only jewel in this shit kedgeree
koshmar Tue, 02/03/2010 - 17:29
I can see what you mean about those arse cheeks. Jesus Christ. HELP!!???? How can your batty cheeks be baggy like that at twelve or whatever criminally tiny age that lass is?

Also, I saw Courtney Love playing with 'Hole' in 1989ish when I was five. Yes, I was FIVE right. Fuck off. And she was so apparently mental then, that it's very unfair to give her shit now. Like shooting guppies in a barrel. She's not well, never been well, never will be well.

As for the rest of this lot. What a miserable pile of chicken bones and fashionable fabric. Jesus, whatever happened to 'personality'?. Thank the lord that lovely, lovely Jarvis is there to provide some talent. I saw Pulp a few times. He's tops. Oh, and Matt Bellamy, I have no idea what he's like as a fella but he can play live, proper play live so you can't really cast him into the turd bucket with those other z-listers....
Urfugginjokin Sat, 27/02/2010 - 01:38
Could Noel Fielding possibly be anymore of a cunt ? The only way I can see it happening is if he splits himself open from navel to neck and wedges himself between some giant womans legs thereby actually becoming a cunt.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 26/02/2010 - 10:35
I am so glad that Fearne Cotton is turning into a witch.
izudu Thu, 25/02/2010 - 15:16
Was about to kill myself after that but then I read the bouncer's bum comment which cheered me right up. Gawd bless yer Mr HM.
akkabuzzi Thu, 25/02/2010 - 14:53
Turds.

Love that phrase HM.
mcfuck Thu, 25/02/2010 - 14:48
"Shockingly, Fearne Cotton turned up!" but dressed as a Bertie Basset groupie?
stella ah trois Thu, 25/02/2010 - 13:55
HAHAHAHA I love that phrase!
Mr. HM Thu, 25/02/2010 - 12:31
Photo 22...is that you, David Essex?
sharonc Thu, 25/02/2010 - 12:20
Courtney Love looks like she let Jordan apply her slap --ala her two-year-old daughter. And please, HM, no more photos of Jaime Winstone! She's on your site practically everyday and she always looks like 10lbs of shit in a 5lb bag.

Loving Jarvis. Ahhhhhhh. What a man.
sharonc Thu, 25/02/2010 - 12:15

Courtney Love looks like she let Jordan apply her slap --ala her two-year-old daughter. And please, HM, no more photos of Jaime Winstone! She's on your site practically everyday and she always looks like 10lbs of shit in a 5lb bag.

Loving Jarvis. Ahhhhhhh. What a man.
sharonc Thu, 25/02/2010 - 12:15
Photo 22...is that you, David Essex?
sharonc Thu, 25/02/2010 - 12:20
HAHAHAHA I love that phrase!
Mr. HM Thu, 25/02/2010 - 12:31
"Shockingly, Fearne Cotton turned up!" but dressed as a Bertie Basset groupie?
stella ah trois Thu, 25/02/2010 - 13:55
Turds.

Love that phrase HM.
mcfuck Thu, 25/02/2010 - 14:48
Was about to kill myself after that but then I read the bouncer's bum comment which cheered me right up. Gawd bless yer Mr HM.
akkabuzzi Thu, 25/02/2010 - 14:53
I am so glad that Fearne Cotton is turning into a witch.
izudu Thu, 25/02/2010 - 15:16
Could Noel Fielding possibly be anymore of a cunt ? The only way I can see it happening is if he splits himself open from navel to neck and wedges himself between some giant womans legs thereby actually becoming a cunt.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 26/02/2010 - 10:35
I can see what you mean about those arse cheeks. Jesus Christ. HELP!!???? How can your batty cheeks be baggy like that at twelve or whatever criminally tiny age that lass is?

Also, I saw Courtney Love playing with 'Hole' in 1989ish when I was five. Yes, I was FIVE right. Fuck off. And she was so apparently mental then, that it's very unfair to give her shit now. Like shooting guppies in a barrel. She's not well, never been well, never will be well.

As for the rest of this lot. What a miserable pile of chicken bones and fashionable fabric. Jesus, whatever happened to 'personality'?. Thank the lord that lovely, lovely Jarvis is there to provide some talent. I saw Pulp a few times. He's tops. Oh, and Matt Bellamy, I have no idea what he's like as a fella but he can play live, proper play live so you can't really cast him into the turd bucket with those other z-listers....
Urfugginjokin Sat, 27/02/2010 - 01:38
Jarvis - the only jewel in this shit kedgeree
koshmar Tue, 02/03/2010 - 17:29