It's the 31st of October tomorrow and, to celebrate, these celebrities would like to wish you a Happy Hallowe'en by squeezing a bottle of ketchup all over their faces in an attempt to look scary. What's actually scary though, is that we just described these people as 'celebrities', when the majority of them are anything but. We much prefer the phrase 'attention-seeking wannabes'...

Okay, okay, so Sophie Ellis Bextor sort of counts as a celeb but, as for the rest of them, we use the term very loosely.

Her and the attention-seeking wannabes were mingling together at The Bathhouse in London for the relaunch of its 'Love to Love' club night.

First on the bizarre guestlist was an S&M clad Henry Holland who, despite never really doing anything to outwardly annoy us, always manages to piss us off by just 'being there'. It's probably - no, definitely - got something to do with the fact he is happy to associate with Peaches Geldof. Anyone who isn't outright ashamed to be seen with her in public doesn't merit any credibility.

Next was Nick Grimshaw - another member of the Geldof-Chung-Deyn-Holland family. And we were suitably impressed by his Hallowe'en costume, choosing to come as a respectably dressed human being. For the first time in his life.

Following him was X Factor 2008's Ruth Lorenzo, famous for two things: her left breast and her right breast.

However, we know that the main question you've been asking for the duration of this story is: who the fuck is that ketchup-faced guy in the main pic? Allow us to introduce you to Kirk Corcross. He stars in ITV2's latest attempt to end the world, 'The Only Way Is Essex' - the British version of The Hills, where viewers join the lowest form of people on Earth in their quest to find the cheapest bottle of fake tan and contract their next STI.

We're off to put an end to this now before we have another Jack Tweed on our hands.