What a wonderful put-down, do you come up with this stuff yourself or is there a team of you working on these witty gems ? Any chance you could offer some pointers on how I get to be as funny and as cutting as you ? if you do 1 on 1 coaching then that'd be even better, I'm willing to pay......

Wow, MJ. You really are obsessed. Wouldn't it have been easier for you to take a pic of yourself off your hard drive rather than searching google and using a photo of a real person?

Dear Miss Saturday, Miss Saturday, Miss Saturday, Miss Saturday and, errrrr Miss Saturday

You are all in contraventioun of the Trades Descriptions Act of 1978 by purportering to be quote a pop group unquote. It has come to my attention also as well too that you are all breaking the law regularly of the Smug and Pretentious (W-Z List) Act of 1993 which does carry a £200 fine EACH and 6 months community service of working a till in Poundstretchers, with the bonus of being taken on fulltime if you're fortunate.

Yours anon

Arbuthnot Dibble, PC
Officer of the Law
Derbyshire Constabulary
Little Twatterington Sub-division

having just been enraged by their yapping screaming presence in the audience of "Popstar to Operastar" (go Darius my VERY guilty pleasure) - i feel that the Saturdays should be donated to Huntingdon for vivisection and 5 beagle puppies set free.

i do however need to stipulate that everything possible that is painful and vile should be done to this horrific "girls' night out" cunt-crash to make them aware of just how insignificant they are.

crabby.

Boots No7 makeup = pure fucking shit!

They do look very cheap and they've got the UK starlet look to a tee: mini skirt, lumpy legs, shiny tights and bad shoes.

People, we maybe witnessing the slow death of celebrity.

Quick Alex Reid you better get in there mate! You're joining a breed that will soon be extinct. Make some dough while you can before they haul you back to the cage!

Dear The Saturdays (and most other slebs),

I have a vague inkling as to who you are, but not the slightest fuzzy brain-fart as to what it is you do.

Please carry on as usual, so that one day I may be corrected from my ill-informed ways and marvel at the beauty and majesty of your talents.

Yadda yadda yadda,

The Monkey.

Where's the fun in just ignoring things anyway?

Fucking hell Verkauf, is your train of thought running to an emergency timetable or something?

Dear The Saturdays

I haven't got a clue about your music but please take no notice, whatsoever, of the HolyMoly posters.

A percentage of them are female, and quite old, and probably look resemble something very ugly licking something very sharp. And they all sagging breasts and stomachs.

A further group are male and have never slept with anyone other than their mothers and/or various estate hags (please refer to the above grouping) from where they live.

The final major grouping have taken time off from attacking their acne and wondering why they are suddenly growing pubic hair in between trying to control the pitch of their voices.

A few really like music and don't like yours and very few realise that they can just ignore you.

Regards

Verkauf

Dear The Saturdays

I do hope you realise that while Girls Aloud are still around, you are completely and absolutely surplus to requirements.

Your songs are all autotuned to the hilt, and I hate your sub-Pussy Cat Dolls attire.

The only contribution you have ever had to my life is the video where you're all wearing different coloured tights. It prompted me to buy blue tights, which are admittedly ace.

Love and hugs
Tescopop

PS: am I the only one who thinks it's weird that while the other 4 have an average age of 20, 'Una' is 28?

I think we all know that the Saturdays have reached the limits of their creative capabilities with their cutting edge series of body spray adverts.

The only other avenue left for them to explore must surely be a "Razzle Stack" photo-shoot....

Every Mahiki appearance means another 5 Sainsburys checkouts going unmanned. Scandalous.

What dandyboy said.

Dear Saturdays

Don't listen to Mr Holy Moly. Every day you spend away from a recording studio is a very good thing in my book. Even if you end up like Peter Andre and Sophie Ellis Bextor, where people still call you pop stars despite it being ages since you had an actual hit.

Yours

Dandy

dear saturdays,

you put the 'turd' into my favourite day of the week.

sincerely yours,

unseemlydogposture

An open letter to Frankie: Fancy a shag?

An open letter to the Saturdays :

FUCK OFF

Regards
MJ x