The nation recoils in horror as Jordan announces that Peter Andre will "get it" on holiday in Cyprus. The world continues to reel in terror as Peter vows to plant his seed every night.

Jordan, who is planning a holiday with Peter now they've got the London marathon out of the way, declared: "We're going to Cyprus and he'll get it there.

"The problem is that he takes too long at it. He's not as busy as me, so he can afford to take time out - bit I can't spare 45 minutes a go, five times a day!"

Peter added: "I'm aiming to plant my seed every night."

PLEASE GOD NO!