Today's the day Chris Brown's anus twitches like an octopus's mouth, for Rihanna is due to apear in court to testify against him battering seven bells of shit out of her back in February.

Brown bravely pleaded not guilty, but if if convicted, could face up to four years behind bars.

The chances of that happening? You are more likely to see a picture of the pope fingering himself on stage at the O2.

A spokesperson for the LA Criminal Court said 52 media outlets had requested to attend the proceedings:

"I've never seen this kind of interest and I've been here seven years."

Cameras are banned, but CCTV will be beamed worldwide.

Rihanna's lawyer somewhat bemusingly said she would answer "all questions truthfully". GYAC love, you're in court - that's kind of the whole point.

Dob the motherfucker in Rihanna!
(Pics of Rihanna showing her bum to the cameras ^^ up there)