When we notice that there are brand new pictures of Lily Cole floating about, we expect to see her perky nipples and fiery crotch on show at all times. In fact, we assumed that must have been made a law by now. So imagine our shock (and sickness) when we discover that, rather than a gallery full of the pale-faced ginger's bits and bo(o)bs, she's wearing CLOTHES - and the only person with their kit off is Russell fucking Brand.

We can't think of two worse combined sights than Lily Cole in a flesh-concealing dress and Russell Brand in, well, just flesh.

Usually when Lily's involved, her naked body is lying in the dirt for a French magazine, falling out of her top in a shop fitting room, or rubbing up against the naked bodies of ten other supermodels. In this instance, however, it's locked up inside some leopard print linen - clearly desperate to come out and play.

Meanwhile, at the same time, the unpleasant, useless and usually-clothed Russell Brand is wondering about the streets in nothing but a life-scarring pair of blue Y-fronts. Is this one for the ladies or is it just one to fill up a bucket full of vomit? At least it gives us the perfect chance to make a great joke him being a massive tit, but having small ones himself.

What a depressing start to the weekend.