Nobody appears to give a shit about this. I suppose I'd want to punch a stranger who pushed me in a paddling pool. If I was loaded I would pay someone else to do it!

Blart, it's the CPS that are terminally dense when it comes to the evidence, not the Met. Most bobbies know they'll be screwed by their seniors and the pencil pushers at the CPS if they dare charge a so-called celeb, or minder, for a 'minor' crime like ABH - just look at all the past incidents highlighted on sites like this. The CPS doesn't have balls enough to do their jobs and treat these non-entities, and their lackeys, like everyone else when it comes to the law.