The Shaftas porn awards: Dane Bowers looks ashamed, and if you're wondering, NSFW ever.

Benny Hill teaches gynaecology

"And the award for most convincing toe goes to..."

Thu, 10/03/2011 - 12:34 by John Hill

There's not a lot we can say about these pictures, as even we can't access the Shafta website. Perhaps any of our loyal readers with a subscription to Television X (there's no shame, it's a perfectly natural and beautiful thing) could help us out. Not that we think they need much explanation, the shape and location of the chesticles on most of the beautiful ladies should give you a pretty good idea of what they're about.

So, a collection of soft and hard (core) pornstars turned up, picked up awards and then took off their clothes for the cameras. Any cameras. Even ones that were clearly off.

However, without a doubt the highlights have to be Tim Westwood and Dane Bowers, looking more sheepish than we've ever seen them, before Dane left with a pornstar and a vibrator gripped firmly in his clammy paw. Bez on the other hand is positively beaming with pride. Ahh.

Also, while you're here, take a look at the Sunday Sport party. If you liked these pictures, you'll love those.

Celebrity Porn, Celebrity Sex, Bez, Dane Bowers, Tim Westwood

Comments

OMG pic 7 that is disgusting. A black bra under a white dress. duh!
whatthe. Sat, 12/03/2011 - 00:20
Why that kind young man is covering up the ladder in that young lady's tights. How touching. And they say chivalry is dead. I dunno. In my day etc etc. The price of er, fish etc etc.
PuddyTwat Fri, 11/03/2011 - 13:35
Far be it from me to turn away from those lost lambs who need me the most.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 11/03/2011 - 10:16
When did porn actresses become so grubby? Weren't they supposed to be good and clean looking now as it is now a respectable business which earns you quite some money? Or are they simply reflecting the look out there in the night clubs because they think that young lads don't know anything else and want to see exactly that cheap, grubby, tarty look in porn? All those questions.
vigilante Fri, 11/03/2011 - 10:14
Revvv, come onnn. Would you want to go home with any of these 'ladies'? They're horrendous skanktarts.
tescopop Fri, 11/03/2011 - 10:10
Her whose wrist-deep in her flue in pic 7 looks like our local non-smoking hero!
GretaBritain Thu, 10/03/2011 - 21:49
Fat cunt going home with pornstar :(
The Rev Jesse Custer Thu, 10/03/2011 - 17:40
40" waist jeans for Bowers. Fat cunt.
dennisnilsen Thu, 10/03/2011 - 17:00
No she'll start by cleaning the vestibule
The Rev Jesse Custer Thu, 10/03/2011 - 15:25
I suspect she will be playing the organ.............
mrsmoley Thu, 10/03/2011 - 15:03
damn i'm so glad i have self esteem, these poor things need a hug
merkin Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:57
You gonna make her sing, Rev??
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:56
Old enough to join the choir :)
The Rev Jesse Custer Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:35
how old is she??
mrsmoley Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:33
Christ. She even looks too young to be snogging your Joley behind the bin sheds.
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:16
shouldn´t the caption under pic 18 read "Anal Summers"???
mrsmoley Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:08
It was really great of Eoghan Quigg to make a public appearance. (Pic 19)
LovelyLudwigVan Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:47
"Shaftas?" "Spafftas" sounds better to me...
kendoddsdadsdogsdead Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:39
So what award did BB9 Rebecca receive? Best Supporting Mattress in a Brown and Yellow A2M scene?
geewhiz76 Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:11
Gosh, what a ropey array of fake titsacks.
tescopop Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:09
I'm assuming that all these lovelies are up for awards in the 'rear entry' category. Surely no one would want to look at them while giving them their just desserts? And I say that as a feminist.
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:05
Oh and those little mini sock things you put on so you don't get sweaty feet in little shoes.
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:02
It's nice to know that even porn 'stars' wear cardigans.
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:01
WOW. They make Katie Price look classy!
Now I totally understand the Dildane Bowers toe fucking incident!!!
Well dressed like that (pic 7) it's just an accident waiting to happen.
Pic 13 - I'd always wondered what happened to X Factor reject and supermarket checkout karaoke cat strangler Mary Byrne.......
I'd frankly rather not have known!
whothehellamiagain Thu, 10/03/2011 - 12:57

WOW. They make Katie Price look classy!
Now I totally understand the Dildane Bowers toe fucking incident!!!
Well dressed like that (pic 7) it's just an accident waiting to happen.
Pic 13 - I'd always wondered what happened to X Factor reject and supermarket checkout karaoke cat strangler Mary Byrne.......
I'd frankly rather not have known!
whothehellamiagain Thu, 10/03/2011 - 12:57
It's nice to know that even porn 'stars' wear cardigans.
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:01
Oh and those little mini sock things you put on so you don't get sweaty feet in little shoes.
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:02
I'm assuming that all these lovelies are up for awards in the 'rear entry' category. Surely no one would want to look at them while giving them their just desserts? And I say that as a feminist.
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:05
Gosh, what a ropey array of fake titsacks.
tescopop Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:09
So what award did BB9 Rebecca receive? Best Supporting Mattress in a Brown and Yellow A2M scene?
geewhiz76 Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:11
"Shaftas?" "Spafftas" sounds better to me...
kendoddsdadsdogsdead Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:39
It was really great of Eoghan Quigg to make a public appearance. (Pic 19)
LovelyLudwigVan Thu, 10/03/2011 - 13:47
shouldn´t the caption under pic 18 read "Anal Summers"???
mrsmoley Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:08
Christ. She even looks too young to be snogging your Joley behind the bin sheds.
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:16
how old is she??
mrsmoley Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:33
Old enough to join the choir :)
The Rev Jesse Custer Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:35
You gonna make her sing, Rev??
stella ah trois Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:56
damn i'm so glad i have self esteem, these poor things need a hug
merkin Thu, 10/03/2011 - 14:57
I suspect she will be playing the organ.............
mrsmoley Thu, 10/03/2011 - 15:03
No she'll start by cleaning the vestibule
The Rev Jesse Custer Thu, 10/03/2011 - 15:25
40" waist jeans for Bowers. Fat cunt.
dennisnilsen Thu, 10/03/2011 - 17:00
Fat cunt going home with pornstar :(
The Rev Jesse Custer Thu, 10/03/2011 - 17:40
Her whose wrist-deep in her flue in pic 7 looks like our local non-smoking hero!
GretaBritain Thu, 10/03/2011 - 21:49
Revvv, come onnn. Would you want to go home with any of these 'ladies'? They're horrendous skanktarts.
tescopop Fri, 11/03/2011 - 10:10
When did porn actresses become so grubby? Weren't they supposed to be good and clean looking now as it is now a respectable business which earns you quite some money? Or are they simply reflecting the look out there in the night clubs because they think that young lads don't know anything else and want to see exactly that cheap, grubby, tarty look in porn? All those questions.
vigilante Fri, 11/03/2011 - 10:14
Far be it from me to turn away from those lost lambs who need me the most.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 11/03/2011 - 10:16
Why that kind young man is covering up the ladder in that young lady's tights. How touching. And they say chivalry is dead. I dunno. In my day etc etc. The price of er, fish etc etc.
PuddyTwat Fri, 11/03/2011 - 13:35
OMG pic 7 that is disgusting. A black bra under a white dress. duh!
whatthe. Sat, 12/03/2011 - 00:20