Taylor Lautner, Julia Roberts, Jessica Alba & every other Hollywood actor at Valentine's

Shirley MacLaine, Julia Roberts & Emma Roberts at the Valentine's Day premiere

Bloody Valentine

Tue, 09/02/2010 - 12:13 by Harry Bow

Following the Love Actually and He's Just Not That Into You formula (10 existing rom-com scripts ÷ 1 + 25 'big names' = box office success), Valentine's Day has launched in time for the date that America insists on calling a 'holiday'...

From the makers of Pretty Woman, a film about a hooker who doesn't actually have sex with her clients, we bring you Valentine's Day...

Single or taken, we're pretty sure it would be less painful to spend an entire day in Clinton Cards than watch ten minutes of this - the trailer says it all...

Obviously the number of cliches is only matched by the amount of actors (Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Kathy Bates, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Juila Roberts and Taylor Swift - basically everyone but Sandra Bullock) - a bit like an episode of Hollyoaks played out by the cast of Friends.

"Love is the only shocking act on this planet," Kutcher declares. No, any bloke agreeing to see this film is.

Still more Oscar worthy than Avatar though.

Film Premiere, Red Carpet

Comments

You're not wrong. Jessica looks terrible. At least we can be assured, thank God, that's she's not using speed to help her lose weight.
PuddyTwat Wed, 10/02/2010 - 12:18
I was going to say, Jessica Alba looks 40 isnt she 28 or something? I have never seen Love acctually nore do I want to see this Monkey. As far as I am concerned LOVE STINKS and they pertray it as if it is the greatest thing in the world. Another thing I hate about Romantic movies lately is they seem to want to cram in every known celebrity in the universe as if that will make us want to go see it. NO I dont want to be spotting the star every minute, " ohh look theres tayler swift, ohh theres julia etc etc etc. Just the name cries out desperation no I am not going to see this movie and I hope it BOMBS at the box office then we will never have to see all these stars at once in a movie forever!
dancingworm Wed, 10/02/2010 - 06:20
The Saturdays are looking a bit fucking ropey in pic 1
koshmar Wed, 10/02/2010 - 03:37
Jessica Alba looks older than Demi Moore
stustustudio Tue, 09/02/2010 - 19:15
Bradley Cooper? Barbara Taylor Bradford rang, she wants her foundation back.
suckmebeautiful Tue, 09/02/2010 - 18:38
what's a 'Ford - Warrior in Pink'? Are they making vibrators?
switch Tue, 09/02/2010 - 16:50
Every time I see the trailer I feel like a year has been taken off my life. Seriously, why do they keep making the same damn movie???
tescopop Tue, 09/02/2010 - 14:54
this is not a glowing endorsement.
unseemlydogposture Tue, 09/02/2010 - 14:53
Looks like an even shitter version of Love Actually
dandyboy Tue, 09/02/2010 - 14:42
Is this one of those rom-coms with even less plot than usual? I saw the trailer on the telly the other night and it looked like a load of neurotic yanks whinging about their love lives. If I wanted to see that, I'd join Livejournal.
retrovertigo Tue, 09/02/2010 - 14:16
blimey, jennifer garner is quite something.
unseemlydogposture Tue, 09/02/2010 - 13:15

blimey, jennifer garner is quite something.
unseemlydogposture Tue, 09/02/2010 - 13:15
Is this one of those rom-coms with even less plot than usual? I saw the trailer on the telly the other night and it looked like a load of neurotic yanks whinging about their love lives. If I wanted to see that, I'd join Livejournal.
retrovertigo Tue, 09/02/2010 - 14:16
Looks like an even shitter version of Love Actually
dandyboy Tue, 09/02/2010 - 14:42
this is not a glowing endorsement.
unseemlydogposture Tue, 09/02/2010 - 14:53
Every time I see the trailer I feel like a year has been taken off my life. Seriously, why do they keep making the same damn movie???
tescopop Tue, 09/02/2010 - 14:54
what's a 'Ford - Warrior in Pink'? Are they making vibrators?
switch Tue, 09/02/2010 - 16:50
Bradley Cooper? Barbara Taylor Bradford rang, she wants her foundation back.
suckmebeautiful Tue, 09/02/2010 - 18:38
Jessica Alba looks older than Demi Moore
stustustudio Tue, 09/02/2010 - 19:15
The Saturdays are looking a bit fucking ropey in pic 1
koshmar Wed, 10/02/2010 - 03:37
I was going to say, Jessica Alba looks 40 isnt she 28 or something? I have never seen Love acctually nore do I want to see this Monkey. As far as I am concerned LOVE STINKS and they pertray it as if it is the greatest thing in the world. Another thing I hate about Romantic movies lately is they seem to want to cram in every known celebrity in the universe as if that will make us want to go see it. NO I dont want to be spotting the star every minute, " ohh look theres tayler swift, ohh theres julia etc etc etc. Just the name cries out desperation no I am not going to see this movie and I hope it BOMBS at the box office then we will never have to see all these stars at once in a movie forever!
dancingworm Wed, 10/02/2010 - 06:20
You're not wrong. Jessica looks terrible. At least we can be assured, thank God, that's she's not using speed to help her lose weight.
PuddyTwat Wed, 10/02/2010 - 12:18