Lose your lunch Thursday!
Thu, 08/10/2009 - 10:40 by HM writer

Vanessa Feltz looked like the aftermath of an explosion in a child's fancy dress box as she went to a charity do last night with boyfriend Ben from Phats and Small. Perhaps she could take a leaf out of Jocelyn Wildenstein's book...

But Vanessa, who had borrowed Cinderella's gloves and Tinkerbell's shoes for the occasion, must be doing something right (maybe in the bedroom, just saying), as she's managed to keep hold of her toyboy lover Ben Ofoedu. We wonder what her secret is? (Actually, bearing in mind she recently wrote a book detailing her sex tips, perhaps we don't)...

Vanessa and Ben showed their support at the Breast Cancer Care's annual Fashion Show held at the Grosvenor Hotel along with Gail Porter, Paloma Faith, that blonde one from G4, beauty personified - Cherie Blair, Lisa Snowdon and Geri Halliwell...

  • She's in the league of fat arsed mums who drive Crispin and Tapioca to school in the 4x4, risibly dressed in trackie bottoms that have been nowhere near a sports centre or running track, or jogging pants that have been as close to jogging as Stephen Hawking
    Burberry Sunglasses

    woldseen256 Sun, 15/08/2010 - 11:28
  • So fat she is on both sides of the family!

    dionne Mon, 01/02/2010 - 15:24
  • Not only does the dress look horrible it’s at least 2 sizes small, I’m surprised it didn’t break… Vanessa is a nice woman though and I met her at a charity Car and Boat Donation event a few years ago… but I have no idea what she was thinking when she choose to wear this lol.

    Valerian42 Fri, 08/01/2010 - 06:07
  • Urgh. Cherie Blair! No wonder Tony's "travelling" so much.

    PuddyTwat Wed, 21/10/2009 - 22:38
  • Fuck me sideways and back to front. The woman looks like pork. They should roll her down to some starving plain so the people can boil her backside and eat her.

    PuddyTwat Wed, 21/10/2009 - 22:36
  • That outfit............It detracts attention for her truly hideous face........but all fade away and seem as nothing....when she opens her opinionated and egotistical big mouth

    britt.read Thu, 15/10/2009 - 15:14
  • Has she come as Nana from the Royle Family?

    Columbia Fri, 09/10/2009 - 21:41
  • Ahhh, love the fluffy slippers.

    whatthe. Fri, 09/10/2009 - 20:02
  • someone tell geri-halliwell to stop wearing her old dresses, and whale watchers unite to a new breed the pink whale!

    dancingworm Fri, 09/10/2009 - 07:01
  • Pure Clarse!

    ken tate Thu, 08/10/2009 - 21:25
  • Urgh, it has armpit cleavage.

    retrovertigo Thu, 08/10/2009 - 20:51
  • I was thinking 'Pure Billingsgate' but I take your point

    jiggerycock Thu, 08/10/2009 - 20:48
  • Jeezus that looks like it fucking escaped from Spitalfields fucking market

    Blartmonster Thu, 08/10/2009 - 19:47
  • You beat me to it - her outfit is ghastly!!!

    kermits Thu, 08/10/2009 - 15:53
  • marigolds always add class

    headcheeze Thu, 08/10/2009 - 15:18
  • Gordon Brown told her.

    cosmotopper Thu, 08/10/2009 - 14:11
  • Which bastard told Cherie Blair it was fancy dress? Bless.

    SelectiveInvective Thu, 08/10/2009 - 14:02
  • Are you sure that's a dress ? I'm more tempted to believe that she is shedding her "old" skin. The newer skin which is then exposed will remain bright pink until it has dried fully at which point it will turn a sort of mahogany colour.

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 08/10/2009 - 13:41
  • She got into that dress with a run up.

    kwebb Thu, 08/10/2009 - 12:54
  • Agreed.
    I'd smash her arse into next week.

    gago Thu, 08/10/2009 - 12:51
  • Are they still sewing those size 12 labels on Miss Piggy's dresses?

    cosmotopper Thu, 08/10/2009 - 12:29
  • PICTURE 13 please- an immense sausage wrapped up and tightly roped in a baby pink dress and an immensely embarrassed looking Phat Small. What was she thinking??!!

    kermits Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:55
  • Those gloves Feltz is wearing are way too tight, looks like she is going to burst out of them.

    manor Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:43
  • plenty of cushion for the pushin'.

    unseemlydogposture Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:26
  • She aint no Kate Moss thank God

    carbon cowboy Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:10
  • I love every acre of her!

    jiggerycock Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:05
  • Nope, don't have a clue who most of these fuckers are.

    And Fletz better steer well clear of Japan. Might be harpooned for scientific purposes.

    Stramash Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:03
  • URRRRRRGH *vomits*

    kwebb Thu, 08/10/2009 - 10:49
  • URRRRRRGH *vomits*

    kwebb Thu, 08/10/2009 - 10:49
  • Nope, don't have a clue who most of these fuckers are.

    And Fletz better steer well clear of Japan. Might be harpooned for scientific purposes.

    Stramash Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:03
  • I love every acre of her!

    jiggerycock Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:05
  • She aint no Kate Moss thank God

    carbon cowboy Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:10
  • plenty of cushion for the pushin'.

    unseemlydogposture Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:26
  • Those gloves Feltz is wearing are way too tight, looks like she is going to burst out of them.

    manor Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:43
  • PICTURE 13 please- an immense sausage wrapped up and tightly roped in a baby pink dress and an immensely embarrassed looking Phat Small. What was she thinking??!!

    kermits Thu, 08/10/2009 - 11:55
  • Are they still sewing those size 12 labels on Miss Piggy's dresses?

    cosmotopper Thu, 08/10/2009 - 12:29
  • Agreed.
    I'd smash her arse into next week.

    gago Thu, 08/10/2009 - 12:51
  • She got into that dress with a run up.

    kwebb Thu, 08/10/2009 - 12:54
  • Are you sure that's a dress ? I'm more tempted to believe that she is shedding her "old" skin. The newer skin which is then exposed will remain bright pink until it has dried fully at which point it will turn a sort of mahogany colour.

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Thu, 08/10/2009 - 13:41
  • Which bastard told Cherie Blair it was fancy dress? Bless.

    SelectiveInvective Thu, 08/10/2009 - 14:02
  • Gordon Brown told her.

    cosmotopper Thu, 08/10/2009 - 14:11
  • marigolds always add class

    headcheeze Thu, 08/10/2009 - 15:18
  • You beat me to it - her outfit is ghastly!!!

    kermits Thu, 08/10/2009 - 15:53
  • Jeezus that looks like it fucking escaped from Spitalfields fucking market

    Blartmonster Thu, 08/10/2009 - 19:47
  • I was thinking 'Pure Billingsgate' but I take your point

    jiggerycock Thu, 08/10/2009 - 20:48
  • Urgh, it has armpit cleavage.

    retrovertigo Thu, 08/10/2009 - 20:51
  • Pure Clarse!

    ken tate Thu, 08/10/2009 - 21:25
  • someone tell geri-halliwell to stop wearing her old dresses, and whale watchers unite to a new breed the pink whale!

    dancingworm Fri, 09/10/2009 - 07:01
  • Ahhh, love the fluffy slippers.

    whatthe. Fri, 09/10/2009 - 20:02
  • Has she come as Nana from the Royle Family?

    Columbia Fri, 09/10/2009 - 21:41
  • That outfit............It detracts attention for her truly hideous face........but all fade away and seem as nothing....when she opens her opinionated and egotistical big mouth

    britt.read Thu, 15/10/2009 - 15:14
  • Fuck me sideways and back to front. The woman looks like pork. They should roll her down to some starving plain so the people can boil her backside and eat her.

    PuddyTwat Wed, 21/10/2009 - 22:36
  • Urgh. Cherie Blair! No wonder Tony's "travelling" so much.

    PuddyTwat Wed, 21/10/2009 - 22:38
  • Not only does the dress look horrible it’s at least 2 sizes small, I’m surprised it didn’t break… Vanessa is a nice woman though and I met her at a charity Car and Boat Donation event a few years ago… but I have no idea what she was thinking when she choose to wear this lol.

    Valerian42 Fri, 08/01/2010 - 06:07
  • So fat she is on both sides of the family!

    dionne Mon, 01/02/2010 - 15:24
  • She's in the league of fat arsed mums who drive Crispin and Tapioca to school in the 4x4, risibly dressed in trackie bottoms that have been nowhere near a sports centre or running track, or jogging pants that have been as close to jogging as Stephen Hawking
    Burberry Sunglasses

    woldseen256 Sun, 15/08/2010 - 11:28

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