The X Factor 2010 auditions hit London yesterday and the freaks were out in force, as well as a lot of people waiting in line to get a moment in front of them. We always like to run stories a day after everyone else...

Cheryl Cole legged it straight from Heathrow where she'd been having a Tanzanian holiday with Derek 'surely gay' Hough.

Cheryl isn't the only one moving on from her past though, as the on-off-on-never-was-on wedding Simon was supposedly having now seems to be definitely OFF as he is spending "more and more time apart" from girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy - who is flying over for "summit talks" with him imminently.

It wasn't all doom and gloom though - Louis Walsh was there being as daft as ever (and strangely last night was the first time our good friend Tanya Macintosh was out and about too. I wish they'd get a room.) And sure as shit stinks, a load of ridiculous human beings turned up thinking they are God's gift to music, when in reality they are nothing more than Satan's offering to evolution.

The dude ^^ up there ^^ has to be related to Mike Myers right? And yes, curse of the Camden shoe shop strikes again.