Well then. Another 2.5 hours of our lives we'll never get back. But another 2.5 hours that were well worth wasting on the X Factor purely to watch Wagner sing Tom Jones while a group of beautiful women caressed his, and their own, breasts. THANK YOU ITV! (Best not ask whether it counts as sexual assault. Hmm?)

In the meantime, we were a bit confused about last night's theme of 'Musical Heroes', or - as it turned out to be in the end - 'sing any fucking song you like' night. According to the song choices, girl band, Belle Amie's musical heroes are 60s rock band, The Kinks; baby boy band, One Direction, take all their inspiration from American Idol, Kelly Clarkson; while straight-up singer, Matt Cardle, idolises the contemporary R&B star, Bruno Mars.

And on the subject of Matt Cardle, the man's already a stick-on for the final after last night's performance. Mainly due to the fact he finally took that hat off and revealed his pube-ridden head to the world.

Other notable performances included Diva Fever failing to be the new Jedward, John Adeleye proving he is, in fact, the long-lost brother of binman, Andy Abraham and last week's winner, Aiden Grimshaw, fackin' it all up. We won't mention Cher Lloyd or Katie Weasel.

Anyway, enough of that. All that matters is this number: 0901 61 61 110.

VOTE WAGNER!