Ashley Cole flew back to the UK  last night for a hoedown showdown with his 'estranged' wife Cheryl and his 'in-no-way-overbearing-and-getting-in-the-way Mother In Law.

He flew back from Biarritz (where he'd been receiving treatment for a broken ankle) in Roman Abramovich's private jet and arrived at the Surrey mansion at 7pm for what tabloids love to call "Crunch talks".

Amazingly for something that only happened at 7pm last night and with only three people in the house - either Cheryl, Ashley or the mum took the time to phone an anonymous friend and tell them lots of ambiguous, uncheckable details which they then passed on to The Sun.

"Cheryl was in the house when he arrived back. She agreed that he could return and she would be there. But she has not taken him back. It was not a reunion. They had a lot to talk about. 

 

There was a lot of emotional chat about how to move forward. But Cheryl is still incredibly angry and upset and determined to leave and set up a new life. She was prepared to hear what he had to say but that's it."

*shakes fist* YOU CAN'T EVEN TRUST YOUR FRIENDS THAT DON'T EXIST! GRRR!!

All this is because Ashley texted pictures of him wearing a nappy and shagged someone who looks like they work in a nail salon.