The first-week favourite (i.e. through to the finals but won’t win) on The X Factor this year is 16-year-old Janet Devlin from Gortin, Tyrone. Her combination of shyness, vulnerability and cardigans had the X Factor judges gulping back tears as she made Elton John’s Your Song her own. But the young star has told The Sun she’s glad Simon Cowell isn’t on the panel as she thinks he’d hate her. But would he?

Apparently, Janet Devlin told the newspaper:

“I was kind of happy Simon wasn't there because I thought he'd hate me. Simon always just tells it straight, whether he likes it or not. But then I found out Gary was worse in terms of being honest, although, thankfully, he was good to me."

But would Simon Cowell have been mean to this Northern Irish sweetheart? Let’s ask him. And when we say ask him we obviously mean make up some things he might say if Janet’s YouTube clips were her actual X Factor audition. Tenuous much?

Made-up Simon Cowell: “Now Janet. Brave choice. Obviously everyone wants to be Adele at the moment. You’re not Adele.” *Audience boos* “But there’s something about you I like. It’s a yes from me.” *Audience goes wild. Janet cries a bit*

Made-up Simon Cowell: “Before this show started I did say that I hoped to never hear another person singing this song.” *Audience boos* “Obviously everyone wants to be Adele at the moment. You’re not Adele.” *Audience boos again. One man can be heard shouting, ‘it’s by bloody Bob Dylan you philistines!’* “You seemed a little nervous. You were clearing your throat and you didn’t seem to know what to do with your arms...” *Louis Walsh makes aghast face in Simon’s direction* “But the audience obviously likes you, I like you. It’s a yes.” *Audience goes wild. Janet clasps hands to mouth in excitement*

Made-up Simon Cowell: “An interesting choice, Janet. I’m not sure many people your age would feel confident enough to tackle a Matt Cardle song.” *Man in audience explodes* “But you gave that 110%, and it’s not an easy song to sing. But you are very young...” *audience mumbles disconcertedly* “This is a tough competition. But, I think you’ve got something. Shall we vote on it? That’s four yeses. Congratulations.”

There we go. Simon doesn’t hate you.
*Eoghan Quigg runs on and hugs her*