We've recently come to notice here at HM that the two words 'naked photos' send everyone on the internet fucking wild. Only the other week a brief glimpse of Scarlett Johansson's flesh made this site crash and got the FBI onto us. Cheers for that Scarlett. Anyway, today we've got those two words popping up in the headline again, but unfortunately for all you perverts there's no actual visual gift to accompany... because some cheeky scamp's gone and stolen the naked photos off of Abbey Clancy's phone!

Abbey Clancy's not a happy bunny at the moment.

The model has called the police in after 'intimate self portraits' (i.e. dirty pictures of her boobs) were stolen from her phone and started being circulated around. There's no word on who nicked them or where they've been going around, but reports claim she has an idea of who might be behind it. Is there something you want to tell us, Crouchy? We wondered why the Stoke City players had all looked so chirpy recently.

The police are currently investigating the naked picture theft - something we imagine they are probably enjoying - but are yet to discover how they were removed from Clancy's SIM card. A source told The Sun:

"This is disgusting. The thought of somebody else being able to get their grubby hands on these pictures is upsetting and embarrassing.

Abbey has had a stressful few weeks. Moving house is hard work at the best of times, but she has a six-month-old baby to keep her busy too. Having a breach of trust like this is the last thing she needs.

She is determined to find out what has gone on and make sure the person responsible is dealt with appropriately."

Our main gripe isn't the fact the pictures have been unlawfully stolen - we couldn't give two hoots about that - it's the fact that Abbey Clancy had naked photos of herself stored on her phone in the first place. Is this normal? Are we all supposed to have photos of our topless bodies as our mobile phone backgrounds? Doubt that'd do much good for our self-esteem, to be honest.

But if we're not going to have photos of our own naked bodies there to admire on our phone, then we wouldn't mind one or two of Abbey Clancy. So we can sort of see where she was coming from. Now we just need to find whoever stole them. Own up, Peter!