While you've all been feeling secure in your expensive houses and cardboard boxes, safe in the knowledge that most murderers and rapists don't start murdering and raping again until the second week of January (can't outrun a policeman still carrying all that Christmas weight), you should never forget that not all career criminals have such a strict calendar. Some commit their crimes any time, anywhere. For these are crimes of passion.

Antony Worrall Thompson; TV personality, TV chef and TV father of four is just such a outlaw. His weakness? Cheese. His crime? Not putting it through the checkout at his local Tesco in Henley-On-Thames. How many times? At least five. At least. 

It might not be a racially-motivated curbstomping, but that doesn't mean stealing from the dairy aisle isn't just as bad in its own way. Remember, cheese is food and your children need food to live. So the plump, bearded TV bandit is essentially killing your children while lives the high life on stolen stilton, all paid for by your hard-earned taxes. Here's what a source close to the matter had to say to The Sun:

"He was ordering blocks of cheese at the deli counter, taking bottles of wine, then putting some things through the scanner but walking out with the rest.

"They caught him on camera doing it more than once, but had to be 100 per cent sure it was not a genuine mistake before apprehending him. Because of his high profile, the security staff could not afford to get it wrong."

Worrall Thompson was caught pilfering the produce on at least five different occasions: December 22, 30 and 31, January 5 and then finally on the 6th, the fateful day he was caught and brought to justice. Isn't that right, police spokesperson?

"We arrested a man from High Wycombe following a report of shoplifting offences.

"The man has been issued with a formal caution for these offences."

Worrall Thompson also issued a statement via his website. He's so, so, so sorry. So sorry.

I am so sorry for all my recent stupid and irresponsible actions; I am of course devastated for my family and friends, whom I’ve let down and will seek the treatment that is clearly needed. I am not the first, and I certainly won’t be the last person to do something without rhyme or reason - what went through my head, only time will tell.

Of course, I must also apologise sincerely to Tesco, with whom I’m had a long and genuine working relationship, and to all the staff at the Henley branch, many of whom I’ve got to know over the years.

Once again, I am so sorry and hopefully in the future I can make amends.

Forget about amends, how about you make a cheese? It couldn't have happened to a feta guy. He's just a no-gouda criminal. We're certain there's Stiltons of evidence waiting to emerge and there's no doubt that this Stinking Bishop is going to go down for quite some time. Despite this, his family will still be a Roquefort him to lean on, despite the fact he supposedly Camembert even stealing in the first place.

Edam. Reblochon. Red Leicester. WENSLEYDALE.