If Jade Goody could turn in her grave, she would. In other news, Jack Tweed has finally been sentenced for all that naughty stuff he did back in January, punching people in the head and whatnot. Little bastard.

Come on, you remember. Jack punched a 21 year old builder in the back of the head and then expected to get away with it. Like in the films. Little bastard.

Unfortunately, despite a robust campaign by both Jade's ghost and Jack's Inflamed Sense Of Rejection, Tweed has not been given the death sentence and will not be tortured or even lightly buggered, as many had hoped.

Nope, Jack will in fact be left virtually untouched by the justice system after receiving an 18-month supervision order, 100 hours of unpaid work, a compulsory programme to prevent re-offending and £625 in costs. Disappointing.

The only positive result from the whole event was the judge's attempt to get herself in the paper. Which worked. Susan Mann presides for Redbridge Magistrates' Court:

"You get yourself into trouble, you drink, you hit someone and try to kick them, that's not the answer...Grow up, stop all this, move on."

Quite a good summation of celebrity culture. Maybe we should change our slogan. Little bastard, by the way.