It must be difficult being a celebrity and having to come up with names for your children. Not only have they got to be wacky as shit, they've also got to sound like a respectable brand name if the need arises in the future. That's probably one of the reasons why some of us became journalists. After all, who's going to want to wear John Hill Pour Homme?

Luckily for Jay Z and Beyonce they've managed to tick both boxes with their brand new child Blue Ivy Carter. Of course, with great responsibility comes great moneymaking opportunities and so, only a month after she was de-wombed, Jay Z and Beyonce have applied to trademark Blue Ivy's name.

Apparently, the main reason for this is because other people have already tried to cash in on Blue Ivy by attempting to acquire their very own trademark on her name. Not to sell it to the couple in the most callous and cavalier money-making scheme ever though, oh no, they wouldn't do that. No, it's to stop someone else who might not be as honest as they are doing it. Billionaire Jay Z and his multimillionaire wife Beyonce have so many friends they have yet to meet looking out for them.

Hopefully though, once all these naughty gold-diggers and unscrupulous shitbags have spent all their money trademarking the name, camping on the web-domains and printing the t-shirts, we'll just get a statement from the rapper saying:

'Oops, our bad. Sorry everyone, we've actually decided to call her Sarah instead. We're totes embarrassed. Toodles!'