Katie Price went to the Oxford Union yesterday to give a speech. A speech about her life and the obstacles she's encountered. A speech about how you don't have to be all brilliant at book learning to do good. A speech about how she doesn't believe kids should be sexualised, unless by her, and even then, only if it's funny. Prepare to be amazed and astounded that a human being would so readily give away that which a toaster would treasure with all its heating filaments. Self-awareness.

Via The Mirror, The Metro, The Sun, The Daily Mail and several other sources…

"I’m absolutely petrified, I’m not good with audiences. I don’t know what to say. I come across stupid and thick." 

"But I know exactly what I’m doing. I say I’m a car dealer. I’m a wheeler dealer. I come from nothing. Now I call myself a rich chav. I’m a chav but I do posh things. I’m more serious than what you lot think.’

“You are our future in here. You must be so intelligent, so brainy and fascinating to be around. I bet hanging out with you lot I’d actually learn a lot. I wouldn’t like to play Trivial Pursuit with you.

"To people who accuse me of in any way contributing to this over-sexualisation of kids, I say, 'What have I done sexually, or otherwise?'"

"I don't sleep around and I love being in relationships - I'm not interested in dating loads of guys or having one-night stands. And what have I done with Princess that's so wrong? What have I done generally?"

"That photo of Princess wearing make-up was from my sister's Facebook page and was never meant to be made public. It was a one-off and I didn't approve it. 

"Princess loves all that girlie stuff. She and her friends are always raiding my make-up bag, trying on my heels, trying to find new things. I think all little girls are like this. I don't encourage her – it's quite the opposite. I tell her, 'Do as I say, not as I do'."

"It's horrible when you see these pictures of young children wearing make-up, having fake tans and so on. It's sad,"

"I don’t regret anything in my life. Apart from Eurovision. I mean, what in the hell was I wearing?"

"My dream when I was younger was to have a black Vitara jeep, be a model, be a pop star – and I done the lot."

"There's no excuse for people to just get pregnant and stay at home."

"I come from a family that has had to work to earn a living."

"It doesn't matter if you're a single mum or you have financial stuff, I believe that if you really want to do something and put your mind to it, it's feasible, but you really have to be realistic."

"That's how I've lived my life. The more people say "you can't do that", the more I say: "Well watch me."

"I absolutely love the job I do, but all I ask for is for them to be honest."

"If there's any lawyers in here or anything that wants a job, I can give you a job as every single day there's a story written about me that's untrue."

"There are so many things that need to be tweaked and done properly, more regulation."

"You've got people coming across (badly) in this industry because they're not saying things right."

"There's a lot more control that can be done."

'I'm just very lucky that I've got a lot of people around me. I think the media know now that they're not going to destroy me. I'm indestructible.'

So. A lot to digest there. All inflammatory, all hypocritical. Still, our favourite quote from the whole speech has to be this one:

"My nan was a topless mermaid and people used to pay money to look through and see her. So if it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me."

Think that pretty much sums it up actually.