We suggested earlier today the possibility of some kind of Running Man competition to decide whether celebs should get let out of jail or not, but unfortunately, due to the low conviction rate for anyone with an agent, that excludes most of our regulr braindead fodder from ever taking part. So, as a solution we'd also like to suggest the possibility of a celebrity fighting arena for everyone of Daybreak level and above. See, no-one gets left out now.

Now while we admit that the idea of actual murder might be a bit much for the British audience to stomach, a simple punch-up isn't that far fetched. After all, we're already shipping groups of low-grade celebrities over to Australia in small groups every year, betting on which one will eat the most cockroaches and monkey shit and then giving the resulting winner their own reality series. 

Anyway, the premise of this new show is that we have three celebrities in the 'arena' (a large bowl the diameter of half a football pitch) who are joined by wild, but not classically lethal animals (stoats, dogs, pigs, zebras and monkeys wielding hammers) who all start fighting as soon as John Anderson blows his whistle. After the blood mist has cleared and the bodies have been cleared out the last celebrity standing is given the task of hosting a reality show with all the other contestants (including the animals) in whatever state they were when the match ended. We'll call it Animal Harm and it'll be on every week, the celebrities will be chosen by the public and then conscripted on to the show by law.

So, with that thought in mind, here's what blubbery numbskull Kerry Katona had to say for herself this week (via OK!):

'Peter Andre went on QVC plugging his single, but why would you do that? "I think it's a bit strange - didn't Charlotte Church do that and it flopped? Pete has enough fans behind him, but I suppose QVC is a great way of advertising with the amount of viewers they have, maybe that's why he did it."

'I like how Cheryl Cole has taken out an injunction against photographers taking pictures outside her house. They’ve even put notices up around where she lives. I’d love to do that myself because I don’t get paid for the pictures they take of me. They might write some bullshitt story next to the pictures but I’m not paid for that! I don’t blame Cheryl Cole for going into hiding – sometimes in this industry it’s good to have a bit of a break, but unfortunately I can’t afford one! I think she’s doing the right thing, it’ll be nice for her and she’ll come back with a clear head.'

"They [CAN Associates] did a really good job with me and I actually miss Claire Powell so much - she's been absolutely fantastic and really helped me, but it was just time to move on. I really don't want to move again...but I can't afford the rent. It looks like I will have to head back up [the North] there."

Drugs. More of her nonsense about drugs. Also a mention of her holiday in Marbella and the fact she now wants to become an actress (Via Star Magazine)

‘I can understand why people say it because of my past, but it’s got to me that I’ve worked so hard for the past 17 months, only to hear it all again because I’ve changed my fucking management team.

‘I woke up with some stonking hangovers, but I loved it. Next year I’m going to Ibiza.’

‘I don’t want that kind of publicity – I want a job. I want to work, not just keep going to premieres or body clinic launches. I want to be me. I just want to be Kerry.’

‘I’ve worked since I was 14 and always earned my own money. 

'It’s the one thing I regret. That was my baby’s money, that was their future and it’s all gone.’

Oh do shut up you silly tart. Anyway, on a more serious note anyone who doesn't think celebrity deathmatch is a good idea is crazy. Imagine Katie Price and Kerry Katona facing off a pack of hungry Newfoundlands ridden by monkeys with hammers. Truly inspirational TV.

Incidentally, if any of you are any good at art and would like to draw us up some artwork for the show, we can take it to a production company all the sooner...