Yeah, you probably think you're a real tough guy don't you DAN FODEN? One minute you're a nobody and the next you're a big star, shining so goddamn bright it hurts to look. But who put you there Dan Foden? Who was it that made you into the skyrocketing supernova of showbiz success you are today? It was top selling former Atomic Kitten singer Kerry Katona, wasn't it? Yes it was. So maybe you should remember that when you go on record saying she's a needy one trick pony with a penchant for slow men and fast drugs. SHE BUILT YOU DAN. DON'T YOU THINK SHE CAN BREAK YOU DOWN JUST AS EASILY? YOU'RE NOTHING TO HER. NOTHING. 

As you may have guessed from our rip-roaringly exciting intro, Kerry Katona has finally replied to the allegations printed in daily journal The Mirror, allegations made by her ex-boyfriend Dan Foden that she was pestering him to get back together with her.

We didn't report on the story at the time because quite frankly it was about as interesting as the usual dross that comes out about Kerry She'll-bone-ya, but now, with Kerry deciding to use her entire column in OK magazine to tell him off, how could we resist. Especially if it means we get to fully capitalise entire sentences and speak like we've got ghetto booty.

"Dan, considering you don't like the limelight, you're not doing a bad job of milking your five minutes of fame for the six weeks we were together," she wrote. "As for me wanting you back, well if by me returning your phone calls and texts indicates I want you back, then you're very much mistaken - once bitten, twice shy.

"I felt sorry for you after selling the first story as I thought you panicked about all the attention, which is why I remained a mate. For your information Daniel, I will not be returning your texts or phone calls from now on."

"I will not be returning your phone calls for your own sake. If you don't understand the meaning of being a good friend with banter, then I think we're better off not speaking.

"I also hope very much that the text messages you've been sending me go down very well with your new girlfriend. Get over yourself, if you hate the limelight so much, go back under the rock you climbed out from."

"Don't contact me any more for your own sake Daniel Foden, get over yourself, you're not all that!"

She's right though, he really isn't all that and a bag of chips. Maybe if he had spent more time looking after his woman instead of trying to be such a player, she would have stayed with him instead of having to say no-no and telling him to go-go. We really hope to see them both on Jeremy Kyle or Maury (ideally Maury) very soon. Perhaps arguing over who's the baby daddy of Kerry's next child. We reckon it's Bryan McFadden. It usually is.