For those of you who decided not to watch Strictly Come Dancing last Sunday, it seems as if your favourite show X Factor has once again come under attack by those stick-in-the-muds at Ofcom. The very same ones who decided Amanda Holden was inappropriately promoting a law firm in her interview on This Morning a few weeks ago. As if she would do something like that. She's in Shrek The Musical, for cripe's sake.

Worst of all, this time round they've targeted Tulisa. As if she hadn't already been through enough, pulling herself up from a life of poverty and potential prostitution (it's what N-Dubz sing about, y'get me?) by singing songs, now The Man is trying to stop her promoting her new perfume range on X Factor. It's as if they just don't want young people to succeed.

The fragrance, named [censored] was launched at [censored] last month, and as a result there have been a slew of complaints to that miserable, hateful, spiteful regulatory body, Ofcom. Apparently since the perfume's name is exactly the same as the tattoo on her [censored] that she displays at the beginning of each show as her signature move, viewers have complained she's been unfairly using her position to promote it. So they've launched an investigation, a serious one.

Classic establishment. If she wasn't white this would be blatant racism. Luckily, she is a woman, so it's almost certainly sexist, and she's young enough for it to probably be ageist too. And something to do with class as well, almost certainly.

Incidentally, if you're wondering why we've censored all the useful information, it's because we're not going to give her any more publicity than she's already getting. We're also not going to give you any information, because then you might give her publicity. Don't bother thanking us, you're very welcome.