As most ugly, poor and stupid people return to work, there's still several weeks of holiday left for all those beautiful and wealthy celebrities we love so dearly. Which they deserve. Utterly.

The good news is that once they've had their standard eight weeks off for Christmas, they'll be back to regular operations: Charming, buttock-clenchingly attractive, super-interesting and smart. So smart. Which means we'll once again be able to look to them for both moral and spiritual guidance in our dull, lifeless, shit-encrusted lives. 

Unfortunately, before they return to us like so many golden angels from any number of non-denominational heavens, we'll just have to settle for stories about fat people who steal cheese and women who made their bones singing on a TV talent show. Take it away Stacey Solomon (via Live magazine):  

“In fact I think I look like a walrus. I've got these funny teeth that are always hanging out of my mouth.”

So yes, that's the current state of celebrity news at the moment. If any of you out there have any stories you want us to share, even made up ones that just sound right, that probably are right and therefore we should just lob in, please do send them across. Our editor's already been in the House of Lords, so we're pretty much exempt from all those legal shenanigans.