As mentioned yesterday, we just wish kids would get better by themselves and wouldn't involve so many undeserving socialites in their plight. It's very nice of you to do all this and raise money for sick kids, Coldplay, but do you have to bring Jessie J and Lady Gaga along with you? Couldn't you just play a bit longer? Or donate the equivalent proceeds yourselves? Come on, you surely must have made enough from reducing the emotionally ill-equipped to tears by now?

Apparently not. So last night's Children in Need Rocks gig in Manchester had everyone who'd ever touched a microphone perfoming because otherwise an already ornery crowd would rapidly have lost interest and left. The original idea of jangling a huge set of keys in front of them for an hour instead of letting Jessie J on stage after Coldplay had finished was suggested, but unfortunately vetoed. Probably by that goody two-shoes Gary Barlow.

So who went? Fearne Cotton, Gary Barlow, Andrea Bocelli, Dappy, Ed Sheeran, Elbow, Fazer, Jamie Cullum, JLS, Kelly Rowland, Michael Buble, Ms Dynamite, Mz Bratt, Snow Patrol, Tinchy Stryder, Tulisa Contostavlos, Wretch 32 and even Hugh Laurie, who theoretically should just be curing the kids himself.

HOUSE.