It’s less than two months ‘til Christmas, you know. So here’s an early pressie: pics of Geri handbag face Halliwell in the range of underwear she’s designed for Next. Put your face really, really close to the screen, and you can actually feel her desperation for approval just radiating from every airbrushed pixel.

In possibly the world’s most generic undies range known to man, Geri kneels on a bed, boogies in a babydoll and smiles a smile that will never reach her dead, dead eyes. She has explained her latest assault on our senses thus:

“Basically, my aim was to make boobs look bigger and bums smaller! 

“I feel I understand women's bodies. This was my chance to do the sort of underwear for girls that the boys would like too, if you know what I mean!”

That’s right, kids, Geri thinks these undergarments are sexy, possibly even a bit raunchy. Which is quite sweet, in a way. Or it would be, were the picture of her possibly about to lapdance the seated male model not quite so, well, murder-y…

This foray into lingerie (hey! That rhymes!) comes after Geri released a sick-makingly dreadful range of “red carpet ready” dresses for Next. If this unimaginative, sub-Primark range of pants is the best Geri has to offer (because truly, it is miles better than her frock horrors), we can safely assume that Posh Spice isn’t shaking in her Louboutins just yet.