It looks like 2012 could be the year we go back to basics here at HM. No more 'how the fuck did he manage to wrangle that one' stories about famous footballers forcing us to keep quiet about their shtupping of ex-Big Brother stars, or wasted hours as we trawl through badly written articles trying to figure out which one of Lindsay Lohan's many crimes she's actually going to jail for. Nope. No more.

This year is the year we'll hopefully return to simpler times, times when a story about the ghost of Dane Bowers getting into a fight whilst defending a very drunk Woman-From-Desperate-Scousewives-Who-Always-Shows-Her-Arse outside a Subway at five in the morning would count as a job well done.

Dane had this to say to the Mail Online about his gallantry:

'Things got a bit over-the-top and the police became involved.'

Good work, Dane. Incidentally, looking at picture five, is that a tampon string? Nice.