Ahh, V Festival. The music event of the year. For everyone who really hates music and wants to ruin it for the rest of us. It was day one of Essex's premier cultural affair on Saturday, and all your least favourite musicians were doing their thing - Jessie J, Rihanna, Bruno Mars, Kaiser Chiefs, N-Dubz - while all your least favourite Z-listers - Elen Rivas, Coleen Rooney, Michelle Keegan and the cast of TOWIE - were lapping up the freebies on offer backstage. The latter of which made their mark on Weston Park's green, green grass when Kirk Norcross threw up his yellow, yellow vomit everywhere. Just lovely.

Yes, the commercial overload on show at V unsurprisingly made TOWIE's Kirk just as sickened as the rest of us, so much so that he coughed up his breakfast and threw up all over the place. Either that or he was feeling a little queasy after the funfair ride he'd just been on. We can't be too sure.

Whatever the reason for Kirk's illness, it was a real shame, because it probably put him off the rest of his day, when there was SO MUCH TO BE ENJOYED!

For example, he might have missed Rihanna getting down and dirty (i.e. rubbing her crotch a lot) in a Union Jack outfit, Bruno Mars doing everyone's favourite tune of the year, The Lazy Song, Jessie J sitting on a plastic stool and N-Dubz rapping about the streets and stuff. He'd have missed some good things too like Ellie Goulding, the Arctic Monkeys and Dizzee Rascal, but we doubt he was very interested in that lot.

Amongst those celebs not throwing up backstage were Coleen Rooney, who's turning into such a hip festival-goer after her weekend at Glastonbury in June, Una Healy and her boyfriend, who both couldn't have looked happier, Michelle Keegan, who had some weird bag with her face and name drawn on it in crayon, Elen Rivas with a new mystery man and Rupert Grint looking like the coolest kid in town, if we don't say so ourselves.

We don't know about you, but we can't wait to see what day two has in store for us.