Good to see you guys!

YOU'RE ALL VERY NAUGHTY BOYS

A fair few years ago, Michael Palin agreed to be interviewed by a bunch of sixth formers for their school newspaper.

During the interview they asked some slightly off colour questions and eventually one that outraged him.

"I've never been so offended in my life," he said. "Right, that's it, I'm leaving."

He then picked up his coat and stormed off, forgetting he was actually in his own house. Cut to a bunch of bemused sixth formers wondering what to do next.

Longest walk back to your own door ever...

Just in case you didn't see it doing the rounds yesterday - Mel Gibson calls a spade a spade (not literally, that was last year I think)...

CLICK HERE

QUESTION!

Guess the female newsreader...

Soon after the murder of Jill Dando, the majority of newsrooms were asked to scrutinise their security and make sure they were offering their presenters enough protection from nutnuts.

One particular news channel held a meeting with its head, deputy head, executive producer and a number of their more senior presenters. Halfway through the meeting, a delivery guy knocked on the door and informed everyone that an urgent package had just been delivered for one of the presenters present.

The said presenter looked surprised and opened it in front of everyone. It was a replica pistol. She screamed, burst into tears, security were called and she demanded bodyguards (and a piece in the paper about it all).

Turns out she posted it to herself.

(This is the very same person who once tried to sue a member of staff she'd had an affair with in order to get him to return all the gifts she'd bought him).

GUESS HERE

Depeche Mode singer Dave Gahan was overheard at a recent gig warming up his voice in the gents. His choice of song was 'Mary Had a little Lamb'. As much as I would love this to be the Snap! version, I suspect it was the nursery rhyme.

(The band's biggest guest backstage at their Hyde Park gigs last year - Stephen Hawkins)

A MOLE WRITES:

"Alex Reid went to the same school as my children (Heron Wood, which then changed it's name to The Connaught School, in Aldershot). His claim to fame there was to constantly masturbate during lessons whilst wearing a glazed expression, no change there then. He would also bring copious amounts of porn to school, which he said his mother had bought him to keep him happy."

Question!

So there's this footballer. You've probably heard of him. He visits a sports publication for a meeting and takes quite a shine to the receptionist and takes her phone number. Shortly afterwards, the woman gets a text message that says: "mst fck before xmas".

She was unimpressed by this. Later that day, she left her phone on the desk and some guys jumped on it and got hold of the number.

They put the number in Loot advertising a signed David Beckham shirt. "Ask for ****" etc.

The footy player received hundreds of angry calls from disappointed customers. The receptionist gets a call from his friend saying that he's still interested... and here's his new mobile number.

GUESS HERE!

This is obviously quite old, but we'd never seen it before. Forget the current remake of 'We are The World' with bloody Nicole Richie etc - THIS is the real deal. AMAZING footage. KENNY LOGGINS! DARYL HALL! (Love the bit where Lionel is teaching Stevie Wonder the song and he points to the sheet music).

CLICK HERE

A MOLE WRITES:

"I had the 'pleasure' of working at John Terry's wedding:

1) He requested in advance to be served ONLY dessert wine throughout the whole meal.
2) Wayne Bridge (who was smashed) was there with Vanessa. One of the staff dropped a whole tray of champagne glasses behind her and it went all up the back of her dress. She'd had been there 5 minutes. Only slightly funny.
3) Tweedy Cole eats with her mouth open."

Jude Law and Sienna Miller are currently house-hunting in Hampshire.

Question!

Which two ultra rich business partners have had a massive falling out recently over the relative newbie's somewhat gruff approach to the overseas market?

GUESS HERE!

John Terry case: Does anyone know what the code-name they used for him (LNS) actually stands for? Losing Nut Shyster?

DUTY LOG MENTAL (BUT BRILLIANT):

Dancing on Ice:

"I would like to make a comment about Dancing on Ice. Heather Mills must have known she only had one leg before she signed up for the show, so why do we have to see her continual wingeing about her leg, it is the only way she can get viewers voting and feeling sorry for her. None of the other contestants use any injuries or dis-abilities to gain votes. If she can't hack it on the ice she should go home." (via email unedited)

Thanks to Worn Free for the brilliant Kurdt Cobain t-shirt!