Ok, so it's not exactly a quote from David Hasselhoff himself, but from one of the ladies (or gentlemen) at the Greggs Christmas party he decided to go to over the weekend. Why did he go? Because his girlfriend's younger sister works for them, and he's a goddamn hero, that's why. A hero.

Unfortunately for us, the problem with sitting down at a desk all day is that unless we exercise constantly, the delicious laminated pastry treats at Greggs are simply out of our reach. Although if we do start to eat them without the crucial 80 hours of intense cardio per week, everything else rapidly moves out of reach. It's a tough call and one we're still not sure about.

Anyway, here's what one of the employees had to say to The Sun or The Daily Star, it's difficult to tell which one:

"I couldn't believe it when he walked in - I thought it was a lookalike or something. But as soon as he opened his mouth I realised it was the real deal. I never thought working for Greggs would see me rubbing shoulders with stars."

Isn't that nice? Although after a couple of months working at a Greggs in West London a friend of ours found there was very little he didn't rub shoulders with, including door frames and toilet cubicle walls. Because he was fat.

Yes, that was the same joke twice.