Karl Lagerfeld took over the Paris Metro yesterday. The freebie newspaper, we mean, not the underground rail network - although, to be honest, the latter might have resulted in less controversy. He'd be a good train driver, actually - on a ghost train anyway.

Yep, Karl did the unthinkable and said Adele was fat. Not even 'bubbly', just plain old fat. Luckily he added that she has a 'divine voice', like a tubby angel trying to gain flight with bingo wings alone. Karl is a bit of kunt though, so we doubt Adele cares. The designer used to be fat and then he lost weight and looks like he does now, so dieting doesn't always bode well, does it?

In his guest edit of Metro, Karl said:

"The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.

"Lana del Rey is not bad at all. She looks very much like a modern-time singer. In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants?

"I'm a big fan of Mrs. Obama - and her face, I think, is magical. "My favorite thing about Mrs Obama was when she was asked if her skirt was not too tight and she answered, 'Why, you don't like my big black ass?

"I want Obama to win because there is nothing better anyway, and especially because of her.

"[The Queen] looks a little bit like her grandmother - a more smiley version. In terms of what she wears, she's come into herself a little bit more - whatever that is."

He then added: 

"If I was a woman in Russia I would be a lesbian, as the men are very ugly. There are a few handsome ones, like Naomi Campbell's boyfriend, but there you see the most beautiful women and the most horrible men."

"Greece needs to work on a cleaner image. It's a big problem, as they have this reputation of being so corrupt. You can't be sure the money will go where it's supposed to go. Nobody wants Greece to disappear, but they have really disgusting habits. Italy as well."

 "I never voted in my life. I will never vote. I know too much about politics from what's going on backstage. To vote you have to believe all that garbage that they promise you, and they can't keep those promises. If someone gave me an Obama pin, I would just put it on."

Almost as profound as when he said he was 'very successful with paedophilia'.

Karl's body is made of sawdust without an ounce of fat.