In the spirit of Mel Gibson’s Beaver (stop it), we proudly unveil the marionettes that most freak us out.

1. Fats (Magic)

A far, far more disturbing take on The Beaver’s psychological shtick, this 1978 film sees Anthony Hopkins’ ventriloquist slowly losing a battle of nerves against his dummy, the creepy Mr Fats.

2. Salacious Crumb (Return of the Jedi)

George Lucas has done a lot to try our patience over the years, but the introduction of Salacious Crumb in Return of the Jedi was the beginning of the end. He looks like he belongs in Dr Teeth’s band from the Muppet Show, and even the official Star Wars website admits he’s “one of the most annoying critters in the galaxy”.

3. Chucky

How on earth did they keep the Child’s Play franchise going for five entire films? Thankfully, 2004’s Seed of Chucky (in which the murderous puppet has a baby, obviously), seems to have killed off hopes of any further sequels, although there are constant rumours of a remake (gulp).

4. Everything bar David Bowie & Jennifer Connelly (Labyrinth)

Once famously referred to by a colleague as “the only good thing David Bowie has ever done”, Labyrinth sees the Dame stealing a human baby with the help of an army of puppets (most of which look suspiciously like Salacious Crumb). True fact: Bowie had a hand double to do the juggling scenes for him.

5. Craig’s love scene (Being John Malkovich)

John Malkovich plays John Malkovich in this film about Craig (John Cusack), a puppeteer who finds himself inside John Malkovich’s head. But that’s not the weird bit. Craig also acts out his feelings for Maxine (Catherine Keener) using marionettes.

6. Toy Porno

A legend in rock circles, Toy Porno was made in 1993 by Milwaulkee band The Frogs for their friend Kurt Cobain. Consisting of amateur animation of various action figures and dolls having sex with each other, it was a hit on the Nirvana and Foo Fighters tour buses, with VHS copies sold at gigs to fans.

7. The Team America: World Police Love Scene

Still on the subject of puppet sex, the oddest controversy surrounding Team America was when director Trey Parker had to defend the film’s sex scene – which he did so by pointing out they were puppets and so were technically incapable of having sex.

8. Dummy

Adrien Brody plays a ventriloquist who… haven’t we done this already?

9. Emmy in Mannequin

Do shop mannequins count as puppets? Our blog, our rules: and if it involves Andrew McCarthy having sex with one that turns into Kim Cattral at night, we say it counts.

10. Michael Caine in the Muppet Christmas Carol

Insert ‘wooden performance’ gag here…

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