Why have caviar when you can eat shit, right? Peter Crouch reportedly cheated on rather hot WAG Abigail Clancy by bedding a teenage prostitute, with the unlikely name of Monica Mint (not her real name, clearly), whilst on a stag do in Spain. There was also a blow job in the back of a taxi. Classy.

We don't expect this sort of behaviour from Crouchy, who seemed like he knew which side his bread was buttered.

For a man who once answered "A virgin" when asked "What would you be if you weren't a professional footballer?" this is very poor form.

The News of the Screws broke the f*ck-and-tell story, but the Sun followed up with made-up quotes by upset Abbey, along the lines of "You bastard, how could you do this to me?!"

"I'm an English footballer, love, what did you expect?"