OY. Don't bring Lemmy into this. I fucking love that bloke...

Here's how it goes. Normal actor - You train at drama school, spend three years with a bunch of neurotic fuckwits to learn your 'art', get a bit of T.I.E, have kids booing and telling you you're shit even though you're actually quite talented, consider it a massive bonus if you're lucky enough to get a scene and a half in Holby City, keep living in a rat infested flat-share long after you're supposed to be old enough to have a house, kids and a life; and one day, maybe one day, get some role that doesn't involve selling your soul to satan for fifty pence.

Kiera Knightly. Born tall and rangy. Has a mam who's a writer and knows the business, gets the LEAD in her first fucking movie aged -what - twelve?, gets some collagen in her non-existent top lip and HEY PRESTO. Shitty years bypassed. 'Hollywood Siren' (my arse). Obviously an acting genius of unparalleled magnitude. Or maybe not. Which is why, ladies and gentlemen, actors, on the whole, are bitter moaning bastards.

Of course one could always use her juttery chin as a bandsaw should one want to make a circular coffee or occasional table. Chinnery cunt.

she used to annoy me so i punched her in the chin - broke my fuc***g hand

'Blue steel', 'blue steel'.

How did she ever get to do this acting thing with that vorce? 'Mah pussy yall be drimin ov'. She's ripe for a remake of Brief Encounter. If she could act that is.

And there's nothing wrong with that