It’s likely you’ve not heard of most of these people, but that’s no reason to hate them. But you should mistrust them. And possibly fear them. To save time and listening to music you’ll probably dislike, here are some handy cut-out-and-keep opinions on this year’s BBC Sound of 2012 contestants. Who will be the next Little Boots…

A$AP Rocky – Tediou$ gang$ta $hit. Looks like a twat. Quite bad.

Azealia Banks – Female MC. Uses the word “twat”. Quite good.

Dot Rotten – Doesn’t exist. Completely made-up.

Dry The River – Earnest posh men in beards

Flux Pavilion – What 1 Xtra sounds like at night

Frank Ocean – Young people’s music. Sings the lyric “Fuck me good, fuck me long, fuck me numb”. Numb?!

Friends – Popular in Dalston

Jamie N Commons – Sings like an old person

Lianne La Havas – Corinne Bailey Zzz

Michael Kiwanuka – Sings like a person from the past

Niki & The Dove – Best new slightly bonkers electropop band in the world

Ren Harvieu – The ASDA Lana Del Ray

Skrillex – Fakephex Twin

Spector – Look punchable, sound hummable

Stooshe – Sweary, lairy, London girl rap/pop trio. Bit frightening.

None of these people are as ball shrivelingly horrendous as last year’s winner Jessie J. So that’s a plus.

The final five and winner will be announced in January.