Why it seems like only last year we were chortling helplessly at photos of yet another attempt by East 17 to defibrillate the cold stiff body of their pop career. Nothing came of it, of course, but at least this time no one got punched in the face. We think. But now Tony Mortimer, John Hendy and Terry Caldwell are back (no, we don’t know what happened to the new fella who replaced Brian Harvey) and have an actual album that sounds like a cross between Kings of Leon and Billy Joel. According to them, any way.

Ok, now the hysterical laughter has subsided to a dull ache. Here are the facts:

East 17 will release their new album Dark Light on April 2.

Copying and pasting the press release for the next bit…

“Dark Light showcases the band’s new transatlantic rock sound, reminiscent of bands like Kings Of Leon and U2 and even artists like Brian [WE THINK THEY MEAN BRYAN] Adams and Billy Joel. [SOUNDS FUCKING HORRENDOUS BUT GO ON]”

“It’s a brave move [IS IT? IS IT AS BRAVE AS A CHILD WITH NO FACE RESCUING A PUPPY FROM A FROZEN LAKE IN A WAR? NO. NO IT ISN’T. IT’S NOT BRAVE AT ALL] and one that’s paid off [LET’S NOT JUMP THE GUN] on a record that’s as catchy [WE’LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT] as Summer of ’69 [TUNE] and as soft rock and big sounding as it gets [THAT IS BOTH VERY SOFT AND VERY BIG].”

And here’s what songwriter and lead vocalist… oh god… Tony Mortimer has to say about it:

“I think everyone is subconsciously inspired by American music and rock ‘n’ roll [MY MUM ISN’T] and this time around we wanted to do something more live with less tricks. [BUT THE TRICKS WERE THE GOOD BITS!!!]”

Here’s the tracklisting:

• I Can’t Get You Off My Mind (Crazy)
• Crazy Fool
• Nightlife
• Counting Clouds
• Break Ur Heart
• Friday Night
• Kiss Of Winter
• Broken Valentine
• Where Does Love Go
• You Must Be An Angel

They definitely look like song titles.

And hold the phone, here’s an actual bloomin’ video. Why did no one tell us earlier?

Appalling. Still, it’s great to have them back. Again.

www.east17official.com