In ancient texts, the apocalypse is said to be heralded by the arrival of a four-headed beast that will walk the land. When it appears, the sky will fall, oceans will boil and people will throw themselves off towers.

Amid a mess of hair irons, lip gloss and Top Shop seconds, it looks like the soothsayers were right as Atomic Kitten are close to reforming - but with ALL former members, swelling their poisonous ranks to four people. The original line up of Kerry Katona, Natasha Hamilton and Liz McClarnon could be joined by Jenny Frost (second from left above, who replaced Katona in 2001).

 

All four members have not exactly set the world alight with their solo efforts and most of them (especially Kerry) are pretty much on the bones of their arse. They have sat green-faced (makes a change from the normal orange) as Take That, the Spice Girls and Boyzone all reformed and rolled about in canals stuffed with cash. Now they want a cut of the action.

 

But - and this is a big but - money is only made in the intersection between supply and demand. While Atomic Kitten are willing to 'supply' their services they have failed to notice that exactly zero people have 'demanded' their comeback.

 

Taking a list of 'other things that no one asked to come back', we have decided to give all four members new nicknames. So please welcome to the stage Scurvy Kitten, Rickets Kitten, Consumption Kitten and Black Death Kitten.

 

by HorseWorm