The New York Times have published their new guest column, from world famous journalist and circus act, Bono. The U2 singer is said to be airing his views on a range of issues in a weekly editorial every Sunday. The paper decided that they needed one of the greatest statesmen of our times to jot down his thoughts on the issues facing the world today, bringing his massive intellect to bear down on the injustice in the world, and to cut a swathe through the hypocrisy of the planet with his mighty pen of truth.

Barack Obama was, however, busy so they thought 'fuck it' and asked Bono to rant away for a while, filling a page which might ordinarily be filled with a large advert for 'Chuck's Carpets'.

 

The editorial editor for the New York Times was obviously feeling very pleased with himself yesterday (just before Bono delivered his first self-indulgent page of nonsense). Andrew Rosenthal described Bono as,

 

"An extraordinary man who thinks deeply about his art and the major issues confronting the world."

He may well wish he'd waited to read the first tome though. the first column was full of some shit about Frank Sinatra, red wine and a painting that looked like the end of a trumpet. BLINDING!

 

Bono will have a wide-ranging platform from which he can preach about every issue he feels close to his heart. There will be his learned discourses on third world debt, the sufferings of those who are HIV+ and the need for politicians to listen to the people who elected them. You can just see those circulation figures for the newspaper going through the roof, can't you?

 

Now remember, Bono is a serious intellectual and a committed environmentalist with a brain the size of a galaxy, and in no way a shallow attention seeker who loves the limelight.

 

So, week two he will no doubt address the issue of third world debt. Week three, HIV+ people. Week four, making politicians accountable. Week five - how his neighbour's trees are blocking out the light on his patio, how Irish plumbers are being undercut by Polish immigrants and how he finds that big Scouse woman on 'Celebrity Big Brother' really annoying. Week six to infinity, all about himself. Someone call Chuck at 'Chuck's Carpets' and we'll club together to get his full page advert back.

 

By Ian McShane