Considering Michael Jackson's financial problems over the last few years - his Neverland ranch and possessions were sold off to clear debts and he recently reached an out-of-court settlement with Sheik Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa who was suing him for $7m - is he really the best person to be handing out fiscal advice? And what Uri 'brings to the table' (beyond unimpressively-bent cutlery) is anyone's guess.

But, no, they have a plan that will merge their talents and salve our pain. What they are planning on doing is implanting subliminal messages into songs that will make us all think more positively and pull us out of the recession (or something). They even approached Simon Cowell to embed the messages in X Factor singles. He politely declined.

This has everything in it to make it one of the greatest celebrity stores of the year. It's got delusion, arrogance, the hungry scramble to regain fame, a pissing away of former talent and two men with faces like last year's Christmas balloons.

For this alone, we salute Uri and Michael. Long may they plough this particular Furrow Of The Mad.

by HorseWorm