They "hooked up" (damn I'm so ON IT today) in a Hollywood nightclub where Paris was partying with her sister, the equally intellectual Nicky.

A witness said:

"They were sucking each other's faces off like their plane was going down. At one point Ronaldo had a bottle between his legs and Paris was stroking it. It was very racy."

This sounds about as erotic as cutting off your own cock with a broken Newcastle Brown Ale bottle.

They then nipped back top Paris' house until 5am at which point Ronaldo emerged with a smile.

I have to say the only reason I would have a smile on my face after leaving Paris Hilton's house is if I had all her jewels in my bag.

Still - saves them spoiling another couple.

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