As if the queues for Big Brother and X Factor auditions weren't enough, dead-eyed fame-whores can now get special training to 'achieve their dream' on reality shows.

The Reality TV Academy (Lord, kill us now) has opened in Hammersmith in London for those people who want to be famous for doing nothing and having no discernable talent. Think Sylvia Young for the blunt-brained.

It will offer tips of how to apply (e.g. be a wanker), make 'slice of life' application videos (e.g. be a wanker) and get through auditions (e.g. be a wanker). They will also do mock auditions in front of the camera.

But the best bit (i.e. the worst bit) is the 'students' will get to meet a "former reality star". We have not been told who this 'star' is and we very much doubt their motivational speech will run along the lines of, "I got on a show, I went to some shit film premieres and crappy product launches for a few weeks and then the phone stopped ringing so I had to take my clothes off for a rubbish magazine who stopped calling me after a month."

The bosses of the Academy had this to say: