Germany have a terrible record at the Eurovision Song Contest, perhaps because the country's only great musical act consisted of four men standing by computers looking sinister and singing about a model. Well no longer. For this year's Eurovision they have enlisted one of the greatest entertainers on the planet to ensure that they will romp home with the victory.

Dita Von Teese.

How can Germany now fail to win now that they have enlisted a woman who can sit in a massive cocktail glass with little clothing whilst looking recently dead? Pure genius.

The Germans have consoled themselves in recent years by speculating that no one votes for them because of the influx of Eastern European countries who seem to hold a grudge for some reason, so the introduction of a woman whose fashion sense is wholly based in the 1940s is sure to be a massive vote winner.

German entrants Alex Christensen and Oscar Loya personally approached Von Teese to take part in the performance of their sophisticated and emotional ballad 'Miss Kiss Kiss Bang', and Dita herself could not sound more enthusiastic about the project when talking to Bild.com. She really needs to calm down.

"I hope that our collaboration will win!"

Sadly, those are almost exactly the same words spoken by Benito Mussolini and Emperor Hirohito in the past, but they didn't have the world-conquering skills of wearing tassels on their nipples and make-up like a whore. Well, Mussolini did, but anyway, this is a great day for German music as they will finally hear those cherished words, 'Deutschland…Ein point.' Followed by 'Dita…Nein dignity.'