Hello Little Boots. You’re from Blackpool. I went seven years ago and it was utter shit. I saw a rubbish waxwork and walked over piece of glass at the top of a tower and saw a fight in the street. Has it changed?

I don’t think any of those things will have changed. There’s a Debenhams now. That was quite exciting when that opened.

Were you happy to get out of that shit heap?

I left when I was 18, I think most people are happy when they are 18 to move out of home and get away from you know everything, I do miss it but I mainly miss my family. There is a HUGE north/south divide though.

Are people from Blackpool happy for you, or wallowing in seething jealousy?

I haven’t really met anyone that’s been bitter to me, there probably are people but people have been really nice and happy for me but that’s just my friends, so no bitter!

How famous are you?

Mmm not very. I only get hassled if I’m dressed up. I get papped. You know I get papped because you put a horrible photo of me up the other day!

Who? Me?

Well someone from Holy Moly did. It was awful! The worst photo I’ve ever seen of me! I think the title was “Fill your boots with Guinness”

Haha! You just look absolutely shitfaced!

No. I wasn’t! I got out the venue and couldn’t find my taxi and 20 paps decided to get right in my face! But by the end of the night I was really drunk. But on the day your first album is released you’re allowed! Lily Allen says you’ve got to keep your eyes really wide open because then they don’t get a picture of you with your eyes half shut and that’s when you look drunk, so maybe I need to take her tip.

And make sure you’re wearing pants as well.

Well that goes without saying

Am I going to be writing a scandalous story about you in a years time?

If there is, it will be made up, because I’ve been goody two shoes my whole life. I’ve never done a drug, never smoked a cigarette, just worked really hard. So if anyone finds anything it will be completely fabricated, although I might go mental.

Are you rich yet?

No definitely not. What was the first thing that you bought with your advance? With this advance (OO! lar de dar!) I bought an Alexander McQueen handbag. I pad full price! When I moved here I considered any item over £100 ridiculously expensive. It’s the most I’ve ever spent on one thing, especially something so silly as a handbag, but it makes you feel a million dollars, if someone had told you that a handbag could make you feel that good in so many situations I would have bought one years ago, its worth every penny.

What is it about bloody women and handbags?

I went to a party a few months ago it was full of twats. I was like OMG hang on I’ve got the best handbag in here! You just feel better.

Do you get discounts now?

Some but not many. I get sent free stuff, often from places I don’t want them from. I don’t get sent anything that I actually do like.

What do you think of Lady Gaga?

I think she’s good and the most interesting that’s happened in pop music since Christmas. I think she stands out. I’m not saying its the most innovative thing in the world. I know she thinks she is like a walking piece of art, I’m not sure I agree with that. But she’s definitely good fun.

She’s hardly the new Madonna she thinks she is.

Err… no, well I don’t think anyone is.

Speaking of Madonna, who is the rudest celebrity you’ve ever met? 

Everyone I’ve met has been really nice.

Oh piss off!

It’s true, it’s true!

No way. I will not hear of it.

I’ve only met Kanye West, Annie Lennox, Brandon flowers, Katy Perry and Girls Aloud and they were all really nice.

What about Jools Holland? Was he a cunt?

No he wasn’t! No! Sean Paul did barge into my dressing room in NY but he’s probably allowed to do that. I didn’t know who it was this gang just like barged in. but he was Sean Paul, so I didn’t mind at all!

I’m very jealous of you Victoria, I would like your tenori-on.

Really? Do you want one?

Oh, What?! They are fucking amazing! That’s how I came across Little Boots, when I was Googling for one of those things. I actually started a review section on HM for the specific reason that I wanted them to send me one of them.

Did it work? (laughing)

Did it fuck.

At this point Little Boots rudely hung up and pretended it was a problem with her phone. I called back in understandable fury.

*calls back* iPhones are rubbish! The signal is so shit on them, and battery life. It upsets me because I love them! I’ve got my own iPhone application that should be ready if people GOT ON WITH IT. It’s quite exciting ‘cos it makes movies and stuff..it’s got a tenori-on! Its quite exciting

Can I have a sneak preview for my empty gadget review section?

(laughs) Is it empty for fucksake?! Contact Yamaha! I’m sure they’ll send you a tenori-on!

No one in the world would have heard of them if you hadn’t got one!

Yeah, it’s quite tricky to market. I went to a launch party with them last night on a boat up and down the Thames although the whole idea of the boat was to trap you so you couldn’t leave.

Your cover versions are what newspapers will call an ‘internet smash sensation’. Do you get many requests?

I get millions every day. I don’t really read them anymore…

Don’t You? That's not very nice.

No, I do, I do! But they always ask me stupid stuff, like ‘can you do Nine Inch Nails please’. How am I going to do Nine Inch Nails?

You’re quite obsessed with unicorns aren’t you?

Yeah, I don’t know why. It’s just a joke that’s gone wrong. Unicorns definitely started as a joke, and now people like buy me unicorns. I’m like that woman off ‘Dodgeball’…when he goes back to the girl’s house.

You haven’t got teddy bears have you?

Unicorn teddy bears actually.

Oh dear. How old are you again?

25

Is that your stage age or is that your real age?

No! I’m the only person who’s fucking honest! Because I know people who want to be popstars or whatever who lie about their age…

How old do you reckon Lady GaGa is?

I’m not saying anything but I know people who definitely lie, I’m like, ‘shit’ I should have just said I was 19 or something. I just don’t like having to tick the 25-30 box – I like the 20-24 one

Fergie is a day if she’s 39, surely...

(laughs) Really?

Oh you only have to look at her!

Oh I don’t know...

Do you gossip a lot?

No I don’t really do that, I like doing pop gossip with producers- you always get good stories out of producers. I remember this guy telling me his experiences with R Kelly – insane, it wasn’t even gossip, it was just madness.

Do tell...

Ahh...Just all this stuff about demanding to play basketball at four in the morning…

Nothing about borderline paedophilia?

No nothing like that.

Speaking of which...are you going to go and see Michael Jackson?

Not that impressed I feel like he’s not going to do it to be honest. I don’t think he’s going to get there and if he does… I don’t know, I’d love him to come out and prove everyone wrong and be amazing.

Little Boots that is all I want to hear, thank you. I promise not to put any more photos of you absolutely shitfaced on the website.

I don’t believe you! (laughs) I don’t mind.

Good. Here it is again!