Jonathan Swift may have been a master satirist, but we suspect even he would admit that his 1726 classic 'Gulliver's Travels' was missing one vital element - the presence of a face-pulling fat man who has built a career out of mistaking loudness for comedy. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Jack Black: the American Justin Lee Collins.

Black has just signed on to star in an adaptation of the novel to be directed by Rob Letterman - director of 'Shark Tale', officially the best film in history thus far to feature a CGI fish voiced by Will Smith dancing to 'Car Wash'.

 

The setting of the story will also be dragged kicking and screaming in the modern era - presumably so that a) audiences will be able to relate to onscreen events more easily, and b) Black will be able to incorporate a scene in which he sticks out his tongue and plays air guitar to an AC/DC track for about twenty-five minutes, before simply yelling 'paycheque' and retiring to his trailer to munch his way through a wholesale delivery of Taco Bell ArteryFuckers.

 

More alarming than Jack's dietary habits? The fact that producers are reportedly promising to throw in a few song-and-dance numbers, thereby turning this from a goofy comedy into a full-on musical - and, what with the musical being one of mankind's singular worst inventions (along with Vanilla Coke and Global Hypercolour T-Shirts) we can safely say this is one cinematic treat we'll be happy to miss.

 

It certainly won't be able to match the sight of Steve Guttenberg jogging in a park with no pants on, that's for sure.

 

by CJ