Jean-Claude Van Damme - a man who has played the role of 'grunting side of beef that punches things' in every movie he's ever been in - went through a messy divorce with reality many years ago. We thought we were used to his 'abstract' approach to life and his skittering and inscrutable pronouncements.

That was until he was interviewed by Sarah Ball from Newsweek. He was there, nominally, to promote JCVD, his new movie. But, as the interview reached its conclusion, he started clunkingly and confusingly chatting up Sarah.

Describing what happened only captures around 1% of the lunacy that was whirled around like a Tumble Drier Of Mental. So it's best to read (verbatim) the full exchange.

JCVD: "I really opened myself up in JCVD. I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are."

SB: "OK."

JCVD: "It was like being naked. I would love to be naked in front of you."

SB: "Well, I…"

JCVD: "Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection […] So are you in New York?"

SB: "Yes, I am."

JCVD: "And are you 27 or 32?"

SB: "I'm 22."

JCVD: "Oh, fuck. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?"

SB: "I don't know. When is it?"

JCVD: "I don't know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?"

SB: "Uh…"

JCVD: "You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me."

 

We are, quite literally, speechless.

by HorseWorm